They are taking advantage of you he said.
We were coming through the gate having started a conversation in the car after grocery shopping. I dropped the plastic bags at my feet in exhaustion of both attempting to carry all the shopping in one hit and exhaustion that I was explaining my actions yet again.
They are not taking advantage of me I said exasperated. I know when I am being taken advantage of and this is not one of them I said but if you want to know what taking advantage of is let’s talk about those mates who come sit drink your beer and yet when you need a hand they suddenly have a pressing matter they need to attend to. That’s being taken advantage of I said my voice rising slightly.
He looked at me.
I am on my own for six months of the year I said. I have no family around me and after numerous bouts of exhaustion I have finally learnt that I must create my own family a community because the saying blood is thicker than water is bull. And so having learnt this the hard way more than once I have done what I need to do and that is I must create a community a family in order for me to survive for my kids to survive and thrive I said. And I have done that.
How I live is; I like to think is how the world use to be before we all become so self obsessed with making it on our own and keeping secrets and lies to ourselves. Once upon a time we could send our kids out and not see them until dark; we knew that our friends and neighbours would watch our kids rouse them if necessary. Once upon a time your neighbours would step in and baby sit, cook dinners and care for each other like family. Family would be just around the corner and it was just a given that auntie Jo could help out with kids six while dad was at work ploughing fields with a team of bullocks. It was simple and it was good. I want that I for kids and so because I don’t have family I have done the next best thing.
They return the favours of helping me out as much as I do them. We have balance. They are in the same position I am and so we have created community and family and I like that; we like that. I said with a sigh.
I picked up the groceries and kept walking. He stood there at the gate watching me not knowing if we were arguing or just sharing a difference of opinion.
Community is important to me perhaps it’s because you live in the city perhaps it’s a country thing but it’s become essential to my survival. And whilst I skirt on my larger community I have created a smaller one around me with my neighbours and my friends. It’s made my life what it is. I feel safe here. I have people who keep an eye on me and my children. If there is a problem they look for me and I them. I feel a part of something bigger than myself but none of it came by accident. It’s all too easy to shut yourself in and but where is the benefit in that? What will that teach my children? Nothing. Being part of a community creates tolerance, understanding and wellness. It’s good for you for everyone. Families are spread far and wide I said finally you are my parent and yet I see you three times a year because we live 3000 kilometres apart.
He shrugged his shoulders and shut the gate behind him and instead of following me to the house he went to the shed so as to avoid the conversation all together.
So my top five tips on creating community.
- Just say hello. Start talking taking an interest in those around you. Chat over the fence say hello. Dont gossip and be welcoming to new ideas and opinions. You may not agree but thats how the world turns. Communities are about tolerance.
- Have a neighbourhood party or a party of like minded people. My street has a Christmas party each year it’s the only time we all get together but we know each other. We know whose children belong to whom, whose dog comes from which house and who goes on holidays and when.
- Help each other out. Help and ask for help. When I first arrived my neighbours eight year daughter was walking up the street and offered to help with the groceries. That was my first introduction to community and the goodness it can offer. Sometimes you will get the help straight away sometimes its when you least expected. If you’re helping someone for something in return you don’t understand the concept of community.
- Have play dates with your kids and vice versa. It teaches your children the difference in family values, culture and experience. It also means if you ever need a break you can have one. My children run between the houses in the street and vice versa and if one house finds I’m unwell…I don’t see my children until dinner time.
- Go to neighbourhood meetings. Get to know your neighbours by name at least. I know all my neighbours even those that own the two holiday homes across the street who come up a few times a year.
Being part of a community has untold benefits, it doesn’t have to be your neighbourhood it can be a group of friends with similar views or be in a similar situation to you. Humans were not meant to be sole creatures it’s as simple as that. Community has become my family and without it I couldn’t survive.
Do you belong to a community? Do you think it valuable? Was it something you created on purpose?
