How do you know I am tired B2 said to me why do I have to go to bed earlier that B1? I was sending B2 (and B3) to bed after he his behaviour at the pool was revolting and had sent me into a tailspin of panic that I was losing control. But it wasn’t just the pool this night it was several events this month. All out of character for my sweet boy. Sending him to bed early this night would allow me to think about what I need to do and to down a couple of freddo frog’s in the process. I sighed because I just do I said brushing the hair from his eyes just like I know that you being silly and making bad choices this month is because you miss daddy. It’s my job to know you and know you well. It’s my job to help fix you and make you the best person you can be. Annnnnd sometimes you aren’t going to like it but I am doing my job to make you the best person you can be.
He looked at me. The purple rings under his eyes eveidence that he was infact tired.
And I said to him I would send B1 to bed early if he had done what you done tonight or I may have done something different because of that very reason I know you all so well. I know what your favourite colours are, types of music and how you like your lunch made. I know when you are missing daddy because you make silly decisions you get all crazy and end up hurting someone like the other night when you put B3’s head through the glass door and again tonight. I know when B1 is missing daddy because he cries all lot and when B3 is missing daddy because he cries lots too and but gets extra cranky.
This month B2 was missing Dad terribly but it was to be expected with our trip to Paris the boys had seen Dad just 5 days in eight weeks a big ask of them. A big ask, one that be wouldn’t be happening again anytime soon.
He squirmed his way down the bed accepting his punishment knowing what he had done was wrong and knowing him as I did I knew it wouldn’t happen again. He understood and knew what had happened and why if he was to get further punishment that it was carefully considered.
And that’s what I have learnt about this parenting gig there is no hard and fast rule for discipline and loving your child. What fits one of your children won’t necessarily fit the other. And what I have learnt if you can’t accept that, if you cant be even just a little flexible that your kids are different it will make you job a little difficult. Kids like adults are different. They are different as babies with their own personalities and quirks. It’s my job as a parent to know them as individuals and when there is a problem try and work out what’s going. Work out the best fix or help them find the best fix for them. And often that won’t be the same as discipline as I have given to B1 or B3 whose personalities and learning capacities are completely different.
So I won’t be going to Beverly’s? He asked tentatively. No I said to him I don’t believe you need to go to Beverly’s because you are a different person to B1 and I know that it won’t come to that. I know that this chat and you being with Daddy when he gets home from work is going to help get you back to you but I said don’t take advantage of that because I will do what I need to too make you the best person you need to be and that may just be Beverly’s.
xx Deb
