a fifo wife {fifo life: how to: Say No}

The words came out of my mouth before I knew what I had said. No I can’t, sorry. She looked at me and I who was crouched over B3 at the time helping him with his shoes stood up right like someone had shoved something peculiar somewhere even more peculiar.

I had never said no before I was or am a yes girl. Or I would say I will do that or just volunteer because it was the right thing to do. Bugger the fact I was teetering on the edge of an over commitment collapse because still I would say yes because I don’t like disapproval I don’t like letting  people down and I don’t like people not liking me but then something in me kind of changed this year. I kind of took charge of me.

Which is how we got to this point standing here right now looking like I had passed wind in public not really believing I had don’t but had all the same.

She looked at me.

Then a funny thing happened.

She said “okay just thought I would ask”. Which was followed by something else,the world didn’t implode. It didn’t stop turning. She didn’t say you terrible woman for not wanting to do this nor did she say you’re so rude this is an opportunity lost and nor did I feel that way. She didn’t and nor did I.

So from that day on I have said No sorry I can’t. I am no longer over committing myself. I as it is have a lot on my plate. I’m not just a ‘stay at home mum’ with a crap load of time on my hands and yes that has been said and written with more sarcasm than Australia’s yearly and regular contribution of aid to Indonesia- I’m a taxi driver, gardener, small machinery mechanic, cook, cleaner, chief mediator and some where along the way Debbie the girl who likes vintage and writes. I live a life full on life and again to my detriment am revoltingly independent so if I can help I will if I can’t. No longer do I feel terribly, rude, guilty or that I have disappointed anyone or that I have missed out because I’m a better parent or person for it.

Now for the benefit of a good piece of writing and because I came this point in my life by pure accident this is what others suggested should you have trouble saying no. So try these couple of things before saying yes to one more little thing. It will change your over committed life.

1. Mull it over: Can I get back to you…don’t make a false promise just say you will get back to them when you have worked out if you can legitimately help out or not.
2. Dob someone else in that could possibly help better… I’m not the best person to sew the dance costumes how about my sister in-law who is a whiz on a machine.
3. Offer alternative to what they are asking- only if you can: I can’t put the tents up on Friday but I can pull down on Monday.
4. Just say No thanks I can’t.

So try it. Don’t leave it until you’re a quivery exhausted mess when saying NO is the only option because visiting hours at the ‘rest facility’ is between 12 noon and 2pm. Don’t be a martyr. Saying No as a parent it’s a health issue.

So are you the yes or no type..

xx Deb

{Image with thanks to here}