I stood in the aisle of Woolies hoping she wouldn’t see me. How I don’t know we were the only ones there, her and me and as you would know there is not much to hide behind in the spices aisle but I hoped anyway. It had been five years between seeing each other and still her presence didn’t bring me much joy even after all this time. She was Claudia and we had run a resort together. I left the resort because I didn’t like my employers ethics and working with her hadn’t brought me enough joy to stay.
Hi she said as she looked at my trolley full of children. Hello Claudia I responded how are you; its been a long time. I’m great she said. She had a cute little curly haired girl with her sitting quietly in the trolley child restraint, unlike my three boys jibber jabbing away. Yours I asked looking at her? Yes just the one she said looking at my boys and not offering up a name ‘I couldn’t have any more’. Oh I started but she cut me off. She hadn’t changed but then leopards don’t change their spots often. ‘I need to work’ she continued ‘you cant do that with too many kids and well I never could just sit at home.’ Ouch that stung a little and it wasn’t really called for but that was okay I didn’t expect anything else. I shifted on my feet not really knowing how to respond. She followed it up with so what do you do now? I’m a stay at home mum I said. Oh she said feeling obviously uncomfortable and not know where to go after that. Why I don’t know but then perhaps she remembered how much I hungered for career and success. How I said I never wanted children and here I had a trolley full. Perhaps she then at that point felt sorry for me. Perhaps she felt she was looking at three accidents and I was a stay at home mum to boot. Where was a success story in that?
Sooo I said where are you working? Trying to break the silence so we could both move on. Still managing the resort she said flicking her hair and Dean (her husband) is now working at a mine south. We have just brought our second home and we are about to head to Melbourne for a family ski-ing holiday. I listened as she spilled her news to me. She was clearly very proud of her success; as she should be. I didn’t share what I had been up to she could clearly see what and she didn’t ask- so I didn’t share. Claudia left the conversation finishing with I might see you around. I said great okay and smiled happily that it was over. Me and the boys then sat in the aisle for five minutes looking at the floor so as to avoid that continual at the end of the aisle meeting scenario that can often end up awkward.
In that five minutes as we waited I looked at my boys chatting to (screaming) each other in the trolley and smiled. Seeing Claudia had prompted me to think how my life had turned out so different to what I had wanted and I couldn’t be happier. Who would have thought? Not me. Ten years ago this was not my version of success- being a stay at home mum to three kids. No way. And for a little while after B1’s birth I resented the world little because I couldn’t let go of what I thought success was. I soon learnt that that once you let go of what you wanted to happen and accept what has you will move forward at least I think that what happened. Sound right- it does in my head. Back then when I was ‘young, arrogant and ignorant’ I thought travelling, money, career, lots of homes, shoes and designer clothes meant success. That ‘stuff’ was success. Being a stay at home mum was definitely none of that.
Looking down at my feet, my unpolished toes sticking out of my Woolworth’s purchased thongs which ten years would have been unheard of I sighed. How one mindly arrogant I was then; no wonder I had trouble after B1’s birth. Giving my self a pedicure was now a success. I smiled and laughed at myself as I realised how my boys being toilet trained was now my version of success, not which position I held at a hotel that I had to travel an hour too. Raising good boys, getting through the day wearing white was and is a success. Keeping my house clean the one we own for half a day is success. I smiled again. I looked up watching Claudia walk on. In her own mind she was a success and that was fantastic.
Success is defined as attainment of wealth, honours or position. It is also defined as attainment of ones goals. Its different things to all of us. I still have goals but they are different now. They involve four other people, their happiness and their success what ever they want that to be. Success now I went on too think now was picking my husband up from work safely. Conquering my depression, having my family together being strong and still being in love with my very fine husband. That is now my version of success not just stuff or attainment of wealth and position.
What’s you version of success? Did it change as you got older? Once you had children? Did it ever even matter?
xx Deb
