**image via pintrest in honour of Jen who has been laid up on crutches and doing FIFO with two babies for what seems like forever..lol
Hi I’m Jen, a FIFO wife and mother of two delightful little humans under 5 yrs of age. Rylee is 4 going on 14, a typical girly girl and definitely Daddy’s girl. She’s in Kindergarten 2.5 days per week and can’t wait for next year when she ‘gets to go to school every day’ – and whilst she’s enthusiastic, I’m ecstatic as the thought of only having one child at home during the day makes me smile wistfully… I’m sure Master 1 yr will have a spanner or two to throw in my works though, as I say often – ‘to make a plan is to make the universe giggle..’
Hubster works on the mines in Western Australia’s North, the most specific location I can give is Newman although I know the mine is a couple of hours from there. Our family home is in Perth. J has a two weeks on, one week off roster, and a two hour flight to get to & from site.
J & I met 6 yrs ago through a social networking site. He was already working FIFO but was stationed in the State’s far North, flying in and out of Perth to Broome and his roster could span as long as five weeks on, and then give as little as a week r & r . The site he was on had him queuing for a ten minute phone call once a day which meant, of course, that I never remembered anything I needed to tell him until I’d hung up the phone! Now, thankfully, he has mobile reception.
From the beginning of our relationship we have lived his fifo lifestyle. I have always been independent and like having things ‘my way’ (sometimes this is confused with me being a ‘control freak’, I’m still working on owning that title as I’m quite sure I’m not – just ask me & I’ll tell you!) so having a partner who is not home every day works for me. Before I met J and we got married, my most successful partnerships were with people who worked unusual hours, or worked away. I have also spent a lot of time living in the mining areas of WA so I understand the landscapes, the isolation and the frenetic pace that working in mining sector can involve.
I love my lifestyle, sure it’s hard sometimes but I think I get to do more for me in the long run. Things like visiting my girlfriends, gardening, renovating and fitness are mine to organise around me (+kids), and for two weeks at a time I don’t have to consider Hubster’s movements when making plans. I have the kids in a routine that works for us & although I’m not draconian with timing I find that if we lose routine for more than a couple of days we all suffer for it. I like my own space and I like my own company, I rarely get lonely but if I do I have great friends who jump to the rescue with something to take my mind off myself. J
My sister and her young family also live about twenty minutes away and she is always there when I need her although it is getting harder now that we have four children between us, 5 yrs and under. Her husband works shift work so whilst not FIFO she has some idea of the struggle I can have and will take one or both children off my hands if she can at any given time.
I’d have to say that what I LIKE the most about fifo is also one of the hardest things to deal with, and goes hand in hand what I DISLIKE the most about this lifestyle. I LOVE the fact that our children get to spend quality time with their Dad. When he is home he is a very plugged in parent and I have to admit I’m sometimes envious of the relationship he has with them. Not jealous. Just envious that I seem to end up being the disciplinarian most of the time – my fault, not his – it’s really hard for me to switch off the ‘sole parent’ mentality. It’s also hard for me not to boss him around as I’m so used to running the household & I truly forget he’s not child number three occasionally!
I DISLIKE that the kids miss Dad L. From the start I have always told J that as long as Daddy comes home they will be fine and they have, but now Miss 4 is really starting to get depressed when Daddy goes back to work. She gets a little clingy & whiny and even her teachers can tell when Dad’s gone which is concerning but I’m keeping an eye on it. We’re trying to combat this with a special afternoon for just her & Daddy the day before he leaves and she is getting better so fingers crossed.
The integration between work and home is hard for J. He speaks often of how he has so many rules and regulations at work and resents me needing him to follow house rules at home. I understand that completely but I have to have routine and it can’t stop just because ‘Daddy’s home’. That’s not to say I am a stickler for the rules, I’m happy to change things up, I’d just rather the things we were changing up were not mealtimes, bath times and bedtimes! Let me clarify that when it comes to J I don’t have a routine for him to stick to other than when he helps me with the kids.
I think our marriage is stronger because J works FIFO. It’s just the way it’s always been for us and it works. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Maybe. Maybe we just live better apart! I love our chats every night on the phone and I think we converse more about the important things because we have that time.
I am grateful every day that I don’t have to work outside our home as I could not imagine putting my children into full time daycare. That’s not to say I judge those who have chosen (or not) to do so, just that I don’t think I could cope with it personally. Having J work away is not ideal but for now it allows me (financially) to stay home with our children. Personally I don’t mind being effectively a single parent for a fortnight at a time, it’s J that misses us & we miss him, and eventually he would like to work closer to home to participate more in the kids’ activities etc. This being so, we have put a five year limit on FIFO beginning at the end of this year which should see us in good stead financially and allow a wage drop once back in the city.
As far as work and I go, I have never been career minded and I always ‘worked to live’ as opposed to ‘living to work’. It’s been four years now and I don’t miss paid work…I could miss the pay if I thought about it too much but realistically we don’t need the money so why fix it if it isn’t broken? Besides, I’m sure being a Mum is the job I was meant to do, it just took me until my mid 30’s to realise this. J
Don’t get me wrong, they still drive me crazy sometimes! Being the only parent for a period of time is hard work. Obviously Hubster doesn’t come home every night so I don’t get 30 mins peace in which to prepare dinner, nor 5 mins whilst he baths the kids and that 35 mins a day added over a week (~4 hrs) is critical to keeping me sane.
THIS IS WHY I LOVE DAYCARE!! 😀
Every Thursday both children go to daycare ALL DAY. I need this day for me! Undoubtedly I end up doing housework or grocery shopping but it’s different when you’re alone…almost like an excursion…almost… Guess what tomorrow is? Can you see my smile from there?
My advice if you’re considering FIFO for your family: Be realistic: The stay at home parent will become a single parent for a period of time. I have friends who have tried and failed but those of us who it works well for can really flourish. Be honest with your partner: The money is great but it’s not worth your sanity, I’d rather be broke and happy than rich & stressed any day. Take help when it is offered: People don’t offer if they don’t want to help, if you don’t accept they will stop offering, and it will be when you need it the most. Use the increased income wisely: This is not a secure industry. Jobs come and go and whilst everything is booming now it could crash down with a big thud any time. Don’t over commit financially just in case. Take time out for YOU: You are no good to your family if you’re ill or injured. Slow down and breath…and remember to smile and the world smiles with you
