Today was a big day for us. B1 started high school. He was nervous. I was terrified, and in honesty, I have spent the last two days all melancholy-like. So much so B1 took me by the shoulders yesterday afternoon and said whats up mum. You look so sad, what is going on?
Given he is now bigger than me, I looked up and said to him tears rolling down my face which at this point I decided not even to attempt to hold back the ugly cry and said I’m so scared I wasted time with you.
Time is a huge commodity in our house. It’s no accident that my kids have all been the first in the class to understand time both past and present; I know this because every teacher has told me. We know how precious time is. We know you cant get more of it and that it cant be brought. We understand the difference between quality and quantity. When we are together, we are together. We squeeze the best out of every minute happy and sad that we can; because the next minute, regardless of who is where cant be guaranteed, and you cant get it back. The point is spend it wisely.
So we get that time is more valuable than gold {and if you don’t understand this learn it- quickly} and so he knew what I meant about ‘wasting time’; there was no need to explain it to him.
He smiled and said to me I don’t know about before mum I cant remember that stuff, so it is not as important to me as it is to you and my heart dropped a little as my possible fears where tossed around and the tears became heavier the nose redder.
But he said you and dad have always given me your best that I know but what I want now is more time with you both of you.
You want more time I said slowly repeating the words. Completely stoked and slightly confused that my tween wanted more time with his ‘parents’.
I will be gone soon so I want more time now, as much as you can give me he said.
He turned and walked back inside like what he said was nothing important but for me its everything.
It confirmed for me what I have always thought while they need us when they are young when they need us most is these tricky years the ones coming. For us, it’s the ones now.
And so like always we will do our best to give it.
xx Deb
