I pulled my list of 2017 goals off the wall yesterday and said to myself that was all wishful thinking. To say I was a little disappointed was an understatement. I screwed it up and threw it in the bin, and as I write this, I wish I hadn’t because there is still today that I could’ve tackled that list; although rational thinking says it was unrealistic.
Out of the list of 20 things we got just three done. Decluttering, Japan and well more decluttering. We have a shite load of stuff in our house, in fact, three households in one that has just never been dealt with ever- it comes with buying a generational family home. Not only does it come with a beautiful sense of home but seven toasters, 24 beds and furniture that no one understandably wants to part with -yet.
But then as I hung out the washing for our holiday rental, that is going gangbusters I must say, and I must say because it makes 2017 seem more tangible I realised that 2017 was the year for ‘tidying up’.
It was as I cursed a mark on a perfectly white sheet a tricky year; trickier than the one before when I lost my dearest and oldest friend at just 38.
This year and I have to say, and it was only in the last few weeks of December I realised what 2017 was about it was the year that tidied up the loose ends of all the insecurities I have ever had. It’s the best way to describe it.
I worked fulltime again as a teachers aide with kids with special needs and learning differences; something that I have come to realise I’m rather good at; despite some very frustrating days I felt ‘useful’. I learnt I’m kind of good at making connections and finding a way to teach them stuff they think is completely irrelevant to their 14-year-old lives- that’s not easy. My strong opinion on education changed so much this year thanks to my time in the classroom, and I look forward to that period where I can homeschool. God Bless every teacher doing there best with what they have and the system they have behind them.
At home, we raised three boys, one who suffered but triumphantly became well from a terrifying mental health illness that stemmed from the deaths occurring from the previous years. As a family, it was frightening he was the kid you never worried about, but we all pulled together, and with the help of doctors and psychiatrist he returned to his usual but better than self.
We officially became a family with Aspergers; finally telling our eldest boy what made him so remarkable. We never wanted to label him or make him feel different for the benefit of others but we told him, and it was amazing the change even in just a few days. The confidence in him was astounding, and I’m proud of him. I have Tony Attwood to thank for that, oh on top of all that we survived seven months of unemployment.
Those seven months were wholly self-funded either through savings, picking up seasonal work and savvy spending. Not one government hand out, borrowed funds or skipped payment. We made it through the downturn. I can say that with a smile, a lump in my throat a heavy sigh and hope that it won’t happen again but if it does we will survive and worrying {about it or anything really} won’t do anything to change the situation. Its all about just finding a solution something worrying stops you finding.
But probably the best thing of all, I finally learnt to deal with my anxiety like a big girl, understood myself better the whys and the how’s through an unexpected ah-ha moment with my new friend Kym and a surprise health condition. I started being honest again, speaking up for myself and others. I told people what I would like and negotiated when they couldn’t offer me what I wanted, and I didn’t worry what they thought of me. I stopped doing things because it was the ‘right thing’ to do despite what it was doing to me. I started looking after me more than just an appointment at the gym.
So that was my 2017 full of ups, downs and plenty of ah ha’s. I have no list this year just that I want to go back to the basics in everything. Although I can say firmly that a trip back to New Zealand is on the cards, more writing, a haircut and perhaps some knitting.
What did you learn? Was it funny, sad or completely life changing? I asked some of the fantastic women in my life their lessons and would love to hear yours so add in the comments here or here.
“1. When you have no expectations, you’ll have no disappointments” …. this was particularly appropriate when dealing with certain members of my family. 2. “ALWAYS trust your intuition” ~ Sue Artist.
“I learnt that you need to listen to your instincts…however confronting it may be. I was in a job which I thought was my forever job, but it wasn’t a good fit with our family life. I was gutted, but life goes on. One door closes another door opens” ~ Lea; Journalist.
“I learnt that sometimes to feel better, you don’t need to understand your past you just have to accept it.. just to accept that things are like this, even if it wasn’t fair, there is always some positive you just need to find it.” Pauline Travel Blogger.
“One lesson I learnt in 2017 is that it is the once in a while texts or messages from friends just to check you are still alive or just checking in that mean the most! Those are the people that have your back.” Dani; a wise woman.
xxDeb
