How to stay intimate after kids? Is a question I get asked often, never directly and always by email. I also don’t have a final answer because as I get older, I find the word intimate, and its meaning is changing. Big time .
Once a upon a time intimate meant sex and kissing but through the ups and downs of decades of marriage we have come to understand that sex is the happy accident of intimacy. And when you are six years deep into sleepless nights and nappies sex is the furthest thing from parents minds. Yet intimacy, that closeness and familiarity is still what we need to make it through; to maintain a connection to each other for later when we have all the energy for crazy sex.
So being on the other side of all of the nappies because trust me, it doesnt go on forever; we have learnt a few things.
Perhaps the biggest is that sex is not the only thing that will keep the intimacy going until your no longer knee deep in cleaning other peoples messes.
How to stay intimate after kids
Have sex in the day time. I know but you said it was a happy accident but what about if you changed it out from the night time? When your shattered from your days of being a climbing gym or from working your other day job. Day time sex is our life saver because come the end of the day I am shattered; I am on my feet from the moment I get out of bed, when its bed time I’m out before the lights do. However come days off and the weekend that all changes. Put on the telly for the kids, lock the door and have some fun.
Date nights. Date nights don’t have to be lavish dinners. They don’t even have to require leaving home if you cant get a sitter. They can be putting the kids to bed early, grabbing some take out and eating it under the stars. Get imaginative its worth the effort of getting that quiet together time.
Say thank you. I am a shocker for this, I am going to be honest. My husband will always tell me how amazing I am, but me, I just assume he knows that I think he is equally awesome. But actually hearing the words, thank you, is amazing no matter how often they are said and can go along way.
Do new things together. This is such a tricky when ones life is consumed with children. Personally we officially have just Sunday to do ‘new things’ and then its catching up on house work but sometimes we just have to live with a bit of extra dust. Or you could do the extreme and bundle all your days together and holiday san kids.
Love languages. This is something I have only just discovered. The idea is that everyone has a different way of understanding how they feel loved. Acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time and receiving gifts. I am definitely a quality time and acts of service girl.
Steal kisses. Don’t stop touching each other. Hold hands. Sit next to each other on the couch. Touch their arm as you walk past.
Tuck each other into bed. This is one that husband and I do a lot. I go to bed super early, come 930pm I am so tired but he isn’t. He also loves a chat in bed so we started this routine that he will come and lie with me. We chat before I go to sleep and then he will wonder back to watch telly until he is ready.
Would love to hear how you are keeping things alive when you have kids in the house?
