The other day someone asked me, do your kids, really think that way. Are they really that thoughtful? ‘That way’ was about the ‘poor people’ conversation we had the other day in the car. B2 made a statement that people were emotionally poor, broken inside and that toys from a toy run wouldn’t fix that. My answer to their question was yes, my kids do think that way; most of the time. They are human after all.
How to raise thoughtful and kind kids. It has been a long process, with many mistakes but having kind, thoughtful kids, is important to us as family. It’s tricky, but I think we are getting there. It wasn’t always this way but not long after coming out of my exhaustion, it became our mission as a family. We wanted to change the direction of our family and so teaching kindness along with so many other things is a priority.
Here are a few things we do as a family to teach thoughtfulness and kindness.
How to raise thoughtful and kind kids.
Some ideas.
We watch our words.
Ever since the boys were little, I have made sure that derogatory words are considered ‘swear’ words and are not to be used. These words are words that may hurt someone. We also use correct the correct language when talking about someone or something from a different culture. As someone who was brought up in an extremely multicultural environment and now living in a very Anglo-Saxon area, this was important to me. As parents, don’t use them ourselves not even between ourselves. We have explained that words are often more powerful than physical violence, as you can never take back the word and its hurt. The hurt from violence has a chance to heal words don’t give that opportunity.
We talk honestly and openly.
What I love most about my kids is their eagerness to learn and understand about things outside their world. Never have I felt more pride than when my kids wanted to know more about the mistreatment of girls and women in other cultures. There isn’t a topic I haven’t discussed with them that they have brought to me. Sex, religion, injustice and racism are all topics we talk about regulary, usually in the car or when we have our one on one time before bed.
We make them work.
The boys have always helped around the house and we don’t pay them chore money. We have always explained that they live here as we do an and kind so they must contribute to the running of a successful household. As small children it was picking up toys, and making their beds. Now they are older they do however work by mowing lawns and b3 has a pet care business. They understand the value of money and how hard it is to make money. They have learnt the value of responsibility, saving, budgeting and getting what they want.
Showing kindness.
This is probably the hardest of all the ideas as we are human; it’s easier to be an arse. Showing kindness these days is hard without coming off as a weirdo. We are a different generation. Kindness however is essentially helping someone without expectation of anything in return. My husband carries this off the best. However, we have tried to teach the boys that kindness can be as simple as understanding a, and showing empathy. Explaining that someone’s mood could be days of frustration and to show understanding.
Recently B3 commented that a child was too big for a pram. So, I asked him you have made the judgement based on seeing her so briefly. But what if she has a heart condition or an illness and gets tired? What if she is Autistic and it’s their safe place when shopping? What then? Can you tell that by just looking at a six-year-old in a stroller? How would you feel if someone made a judgement about someone you loved based on a quick look?
Let them be who they are.
All my boys are so very different and have quirks unique to themselves. Even with diagnoses of Autism, Anxiety, and ADD we have embraced them for who they are. When they cry, we console them, when anxiety kicks in we rationalise, we allow them to be who they are. We never ridicule their emotions by telling them to stop crying or that they are being silly. We make allowances for who they are never excuses.
Playing nice.
As boys, this is I think the hardest to teach but we have tried to teach the boys to play nice with each other. There is no name-calling, telling someone to shut up or disrespecting another’s opinion. We try to encourage them to consider how hurtful that would be and if they wouldn’t say it to someone else don’t say it to their brother. Teaching respectful behaviour towards all family members.
Teach them no means no.
Teaching consent has been something that we have been very aware of since the boys were little. We have taught them that no means no even when everything else seems to say yes. We have taught them their body belongs to them and no one can touch it without consent. Teaching kids consent, respect and understanding the implications of various situations is something as the mother of boys has been at the forefront of our parenting.
We monitor what they watch and read.
This has been getting harder as they get older but we would encourage them to watch, play, and read age appropriate things. Often B3 will watch the tween comedies and I will intercept to say you know that’s not funny or that’s not how you should speak to anyone in real life right?
Be a good role model yourself.
This is a no brainer you must try and be the best human you can be. It is easier to say than you think. Especially when you are trying to change old conversations and life experiences have made you harder to one way or another. But when you can’t be the best human, you have taught your kids the value of empathy, to cut you some slack and so you try again. My mother is the kindest of women. She taught me the value of kindness by the feeding of the poor and providing of comfort to the old and so was a great teacher. I’m hoping I can be the same.
How to raise thoughtful and kind kids.
How do you teach your kid’s kindness? This is a process so all ideas are appreciated. Comment below or on our Facebook page.
xxDeb.
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