I cracked it last week at work. I don’t mean I yelled and screamed that’s not my style, instead, I sobbed hysterically. Sobbed, because after just ten hours sleep over 72 hours and prior to that an intricately well managed five-week swing my body was on I imagining on shut down. This Superwoman had been hit with her kryptonite; sleep deprivation and her cape was publically being put out for dry cleaning.
This particular Monday I went to work chanting the mantra it is just another eight hours you can do this and right up until I went to the toilet and readied myself for class I was okay. But I then looked in the mirror; perhaps the downfall of the whole scenario and proceeded to cry. I then couldn’t stop crying, and the more I tried to stop crying the more I hyperventilated. I started wheezing, squealing as I tried to hold in the tears. My poor unsuspecting work mate who had made the fool hardy decision to ask if I was okay was at this point not okay.
I left work crying and saying I was sorry.
Typically by the time I got home I was embarrassed at being human. I was embarrassed for having created a scene, looking like a crazy woman, taking the day off for a ‘nap’ and people thinking I didn’t have my crap together {which at that point in the corner of the room I didnt}.
I texted a dear friend and asked how do I handle the embarrassment of it.
She texted back pretend it never happened. Now ordinarily great advice because the reality was it was not a big deal I just needed sleep it was a as simple as that. No one was offended, no one died and no one was hurt in the making of that public ugly cry except me however to me even after a few days my public crash and burn it felt like a big fat pimple on my nose. Red and bulbous it was in my sight, it was annoying and everyone was trying to avoid it but couldn’t because it’s the first thing you see.
So I did what I do best I owned what had happened. I explained when asked why it had happened, no I’m not falling apart, yes I should have been getting more sleep not that being human was self-deprecating but I owned it all the same. A post about self care will follow when I have really learnt how to.
You see this scenario of apparent scene making is not foreign to me, with the exception of this emotion business making an arse of myself by overacting, refusing to see another point of view or admitting I am {or was} wrong was almost sport to me at one point in my life so I have got the redeeming ones self business down to a fine art.
Now whilst this ‘break down’ doesn’t really warrant redeeming because I’m human, the principals are the same should you have overreacted or been an arse in a situation that required more diplomacy.
- Realise we are our own worst critics. Determine if it needs ‘redeeming’ at all. Consider that you have may have blown it out of the water and it’s not as bad as it really is; my point in case. No one really gave a crap about my public ugly cry, fortunately, I don’t have the same problem as Kim Kardashian and have a syndication.
- Don’t worry if people see you as a neurotic. Neurotic is cute not everyone can be neurotic and who gives a damn what people think anyway. Brittany Spears doesn’t. She is neurotically cute, famous and richer than you or I.
- If you did make a mistake own it. Accept the fact you stuffed up. People appreciate it especially when its a major stuff up.
- Apologies if you must but don’t apologise otherwise. Justine Bieber knows this all too well hence ‘is it to late say sorry’; no its not but if you are going to say sorry follow it up with better behaviour.
- Learn from ‘it’. The most important thing. Chris Brown could really take note with this one.
- Move on. When talking to a well-known blogger once I asked her what do you do when you have made an arse of yourself on social media. She replied I understand it, accept it and post something with chocolate in it. I move on.
Chocolate really does make everything better.
xxDeb
{image with thanks to here}
