Communication in any relationship is tricky.  Some people hold off saying what they need to say while others engage a conversation that ends in an argument unintentionally.  Communication is extremely important keeping your relationship strong here are just a few tips to help you ensure that the next time you need to talk about a tricky situation you can keep it a smooth conversation…

1.     Timing

Setting time aside for important discussions and ensuring the other person is engaged and not distracted by kids, TV, telephone, emails, the dog, etc.  We often talk ‘at’ someone rather than ‘with’ someone.  The difference here is asking questions to ensure the other person has understood what you have said.

2.     Language

Not understanding how to talk in the other person’s preferred language.  There are different aspects to this.  Some of us have a dominance for visual, some for audio language, and some for kinaesthetic  (feelings).

For example, if your partner is visual and you are asking if they can hear you – the answer is probably ‘no’.  However, if you said, “can you see what I mean” or “is that clear for you” then they will be thinking in pictures and will use the visual language as their way of communicating.  Likewise if your partner is kinaesthetic, then you may like to ask “how do you feel about that” or “does that hit home”.

3.     Values

The third mistake people make when talking with their partner is trying to convince them to do something that doesn’t support their values.  By values here I mean their priorities.  For example asking your spouse to do the dishes when their favourite TV program has just come on won’t get you very far.  And don’t try to go against the grain.  Wait for the program to finish, join them in watching it, and both get up during the ads and get stuck into the dishes.  Also ask yourself ‘what’s in it for them’.  This turns the thinking on its head a wee bit – rather than what’s in it for me.

Knowing, and understanding your own Values and that of your partner are absolutely vital in having a fulfilled relationship.  We may think we know what these are, but my experience has shown that people really find out their true Values through the Acorn Life Plan™ where they go through a thorough process to understand about Values, rules we place on values, and how to set these rules up to win.

I’m ‘lucky’ enough to have the perfect relationship – and I mean this sincerely.  My husband and I get along very well, in fact we have not once had an argument…!  Yes I know that’s unusual and here’s my secret.

Find out what he wants and give it to him.  There you have it – the secret to a great relationship.

It’s not that we don’t have different opinions or ideas about things, we sometimes do.  What is different for us is our ability to communicate in a way that supports the other person.  It’s not always necessary to get your own way (believe it or not).  I ask myself, does this point, task, or situation really matter?  Will it be important next week, will you remember it next month, or next year.  If the answer is no then simply let it go.

Try it for yourself – it really works.  You have to trust that what your spouse wants isn’t going to be that different to what you want, or possibly won’t be that much of a stretch.  I challenge you to give this a go next time you are together and let me know the results.

If you want to learn more about communication, we conduct communication profiling at Acorn Life Path.  This helps you to understand how to stay cool when others are ‘pressing your buttons’, you will learn how to raise and solve difficult situations in your relationship, you will learn your unique communication style (from a possible combination of 72 styles) and you will improve the quality and effectiveness of your communication at home and at work.  For more information please call me on 1300 30 90 12 for a no obligation chat.

Would you like to know more about your partner? Download your very own Love Languages Quiz to find out what language you and your partner speaks.  The quiz is a bit of fun but can make a profound difference in your relationship.  This quiz will help you determine what your partner really wants and how to give it to them. Complete the quiz together over dinner or over the phone and have some fun with it.  To request the quiz simply Click Here

The 5 Love Languages Quiz is sourced from “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Dr Gary Chapman.

Guest post from Acorn Life Path contact them on www.acornlifepath.com.au (08) 9288 4514 to see how you can make your life even more awesome.