We were so out of sync out of rhythm it was scary.
We hadn’t been this far apart in so long that I sat on the edge of the bed and cried. Had we gone too far?
In the darkness, he sensed me sitting. Patting the mattress seeing if he could find my hand. Instead, he found my waist grabbed me and pulled me back to him.
At least he wants me I thought and so in the dark I held my breath waiting to see if getting my breathing in sync would help. Our marriage it was floundering months of placing it second to the kids, to work, to the book, to everything I wondered if it had gone to far.
We have been on the brink before. It’s scary and horrible. To be that distant from the love of your life is gut wrenching and hurtful. It’s often that hurt that keeps you from making the move to fix it.
I thought back in the dark of our hotel room free from the kids, from the book, from everything but him and I and thought back to Paris and how good it was. I thought back to the conversation husband had with a friend of his and wondered if he would still say the same that our marriage was amazing. I thought about how we and this is a joint effort had neglected our marriage, and this was the scary result.
When I tell people that husband and I will go on a weekend away without the boys it’s often met with an awkward look of ‘how could you’ do that to your children. But it’s where many and I start to differ on many things. However, we will see who will still be using the word husband after the kids leave home, leaving us in their dust trail as they head off to live out their adventures. All without thought until it’s time to fight over who will change our nappies and wipe our chins when we are in our nineties.
The fact is husband, and I will often put ourselves first however it’s not ‘ourselves’ it’s our marriage. Our marriage is important to us so much so that often the kids will come second fiddle to date night. And Paris was important to us and so was this weekend sans kids to Sydney that we were on now.
After all once the kids are gone where will we be as a married couple if we don’t invest in our marriage. The fact is the kids wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for our marriage, and so it comes first. Not only because I am selfish and want him to myself now and then. But because I want my marriage to last well after my children leave home and not just to last, but I want it to be a happy one.
A marriage where I know him as 50-year-old like I did the 24-year-old boy I met. I don’t want to be married to a stranger. Twiddling my thumbs as we eat dinner, having the TV blare because it’s better than making conversation across the table with my husband.
I make my marriage a priority for my kids, our family and theirs to come. And as selfish as we sound touting that we put our marriage first we do it not only for ourselves but for our children to keep our family happy and together. I want to teach my boys how to have a relationship and invest in one.
As I say to the kids the day daddy and I stop kissing is the day we need to worry.
So four ways to put your marriage first and the reality is its not that hard.
- Date nights. Make time to go out one on one so you cant talk about your days, troubles, future goals without the constant interruption and distraction having children can bring.
- Keep talking throughout the day if you can. If you can’t talk to him then a quick message or text- modern technology has come along way.
- Go nuts with the PDA it’s a natural progression to step 4.
- Have sex. No need for details. When how is all up to you but do it.
So consider placing your marriage before your kids before everything else and eventually they will thank you for it, and you won’t end up out of sync trying to find each others hand in the dark.
xDeb
{Content Deb Russo image with thanks to here}
