I broke all four of the men in my lives hearts over the course of yesterday because I have got caught up in myself. Caught up in the fact I haven’t slept, that the month has been hard, and I can’t shake the self-loathing that has come with it. I am exhausted, and I have revelled in the self-pity like a literal pig in mud.
So yesterday was or wasn’t the wake-up call I needed. I knew but didn’t know what I was doing when I crankily said to my husband yesterday when he rang ‘Your message upset the kids’. Me telling FIFO Husband wasn’t called for because it wasn’t his intention. No one upsets their kids on purpose except an arse and he wasn’t an arse he just wanted to talk to his kids, and I knew that. But I am angry still, tired still, giving excuses still and so I felt okay entitled to spit the venom.
Naturally he hung up on me.
I don’t believe in hang-ups it’s no way to solve things. I would have rathered he blasted the shit out of me than the bullshit back and forth e-mail scenario we had yesterday. He hasn’t called today he won’t and I don’t want him to. I’m assuming we are still angry at the very least I am yet not at him. Knowing him he won’t be. We believe it’s better not to speak when you are angry. Childishly I have nothing to say, but I am sorry and yes I should have behaved better things I told him via email {sigh}.
Life out there was once described to me as a cross between big brother and survivor. Husband works with a great crew you never hear a bad word spoken about anyone, however, now and then something will come a cropper. It’s life eventually you will meet people who for one reason or another don’t appreciate you. Difference? you can’t escape them. You essentially live with them. Awkward. Stressful.
My husband is a good, fair man its why he does the job he does. He has the uncanny ability to stay in control, remain unbiased and see everything from everyone’s point of view. He likes everyone, and if he doesn’t, he likes them anyway for who they are, what they do, what they have done or stand for. He also doesn’t like to sit, so his employer gets value for money from him. He earns the money he makes. However, people are funny. Things that my husband find eye rolling worry me. Keep me awake. There have been a lot of eye rolling these past six months.
And yet when he calls to have a bit of love, a bit of support because the eyeball rolling has hit an all time high on the treadmill he gets the witch from hell because all I can think is- you slept twelve hours last night. Or did he? Because I wouldn’t know, I never gave him the opportunity to tell me. I never asked. I was too involved in my own self this month because I have it worse off.
So let’s get this straight NO ONE HAS IT WORSE OFF. I know that, knew that just needed the kick up the arse as a reminder.
Ordinarily I ask how he is. I listen but this is what I have found I don’t have outside support to spew my first world problems too, and I’m angry to a point about that because it hurts. I don’t have anyone I can tell, to just get it out so I keep it all to myself not wanting to burden my friends instead waiting for him and only him to call, so I can spew the venom at him at someone. Someone who already has shit of if his own to deal with and no one to tell. And yet knowing this that he has shit of his own to deal with I stopped listening to him and just to me. He doesn’t want me to fix it he is more than capable of that but just to listen. I am his support while he is out there and this month I have done a shitty job because he always has my back. Always.
So this is it. The cold. Wondering if I should make arrangements to have someone else collect him because the words ‘I’m done for the month’ on the computer screen can mean so much more than I’m not going to call for the last three days.
So my tips so you can avoid the cold and this goes for those at work or at home FIFO or not – no one has this easy.
- Listen to them just listen don’t interrupt..use ‘mmm’ to let them know your listening.
- Don’t minimize the problem; it comes across as you don’t think it’s important. Don’t say well at least it’s a job, or you wanted to have three kids so close together that’s not going to solve the issue.
- Don’t compare, no one has it better. Seriously they don’t. You might have a sleep debt bigger than Australia’s contribution to Indonesia’s economy, but they are out there with nothing familiar.
- Don’t shut them down because you’re too frustrated at listening. Yes it may be the same problem no doubt like your sleep debt but like yours are to you it’s a problem
- Don’t tell them they are silly or irrational…I can’t even come up with an example because nothing is silly or irrational.
Another thought is to have yourself a support person other than your partner for when there are times they can’t be that person. I think it makes a difference, I know it does, this month is proof. Don’t try and fix it the problem they are telling you unless they ask you to; usually they are capable of that themselves just listen. Actively listen. Love them. Listening is one of the easiest ways to show love.
And if you don’t do your fair share of listening grab a beanie its cold outside.
xxD
