I never thought much about it when it happened, but it is something I often reflect on late at night especially now I have children of my own.
I was picked up by John and Mungo this day. John was a handsome boy with a gorgeous nature and was one of my dearests of friends. Mungo we had gone to school together but he was a quiet boy and so I knew little of him but his unusual name.
We arrived at the creek it was my first time there even though it was just minutes from my home. The creek was or is beside the Darwin airport and during the wet swells to a rapid twice its size. Despite that, I didn’t know of its existence. Enthusiastically I jumped in behind the boys on old car tubes. They took off down the stream without care of me just like I was one of the boys.
Don’t swim or tube in swollen creek or rivers? Duh I was 18 the thought never ever crossed my mind because this was awesome fun.
We had done the creek run a couple of times, and I was on my third when it happened. The boys were behind me or in front I don’t remember, but they weren’t about when I went under nor when I came back.
How it happened I’m not sure but I can only describe it as being sucked into a ‘hole’ and got stuck. The tyre popped out from under me was I went under and floated away while I stayed wedged between a log and some rocks.
Initially, I tried to free myself but either I made it worse or I tired because the water was deep and so strong and so I stopped fighting. The water was cold now and I was doubled over with a stick wedged into my stomach and I recall that I was looking down to me feet seeing my hair float around my face. I remember looking at the blue in the plaid pattern of my shorts against the pale of my skin. I can remember the darkness around me whilst leaves and branches rushed by me. I remember what it felt like because I wasn’t scared, and I was surprised by that. I was losing consciousness or drowning at least and I was calm completely calm. I remember thinking I’m going to die like this.
I remember saying it again in my head I’m going to die like this and then thinking I got to try one last time to get out. I remember giving myself, one more all mighty push back against the torrent of the water and I literally popped to the surface. I looked about to see if anyone was around and I cant remember if they were already there or if they met me but we left after that. I only remember saying I got trapped and I have hurt my shoulder.
I went home that afternoon and the only thing I did was watch TV. I thought nothing more about it until about ten years ago when I had my first baby.
I think about that moment a lot more so since I have had more children.
I think about how calm I was and Im no longer afraid of dying. There was no bells like they say when you drown I was calm and okay with it. It was like going to sleep and everything fading. I also think that it I hadn’t tried one more time one more kick none of this would have happened because I literally would have died. It also makes me think of John. John committed suicide five years ago and I think if only he could have tried one more time, asked for help one more time but if dying if thats what it was is as I felt he would have found the peace he was looking for.
There is no moral but literally just keep swimming trry one more time you will eventually get there.
xxDeb
