a fifo wife {fifo life: how to: fly like civilised people}

I don’t fly a lot now I did once like most grown up things, but now that I have three others to take along with me I don’t travel so much but often enough to know how to get an upgrade for free. However once upon a time flying was considered glamorous and enjoyable. Now it’s an inconvenience and the term crammed like sardines is something that can be used fairly firmly with any economy flight. Having said that though there-there is no reason to behave like anything other than civilised well-mannered people when taking to the skies.

So thirteen tips to modern day air travel..

1. Be nice to the ticket ground floor staff checking in your luggage. Dress sharp, wear deodorant for goodness sake and be nice. These are things that may just get you out of cattle class however being an arse will have you sitting by the toilet. There is no serious trick to an upgrade apart from the above tips and traveling solo. Solo travellers are more than likely to get an upgrade however, it’s no reason to ditch the kids.
2. Be ready for security screenings. Take off your shoes, belts, empty your pockets. Get laptops and aerosols out before you get to the conveyor belt and if you haven’t done this allow those who are more prepared ahead of you.
3. When you’re boarding the flight, get to your seat and sit down. Don’t rummage through your bag while standing in the aisle. It will not you win any friends. Perhaps help those around you with placing their overhead luggage into the overhead compartments. Karma will return the favour in taking off on time.
4. Follow the unspoken rule of the arm rest rule. In a three-seat row, the middle person takes both it’s their compensation for not being an aisle with easy access to get up and not being able to see out the window. See easy. No more awkwardness.
5. If you have children, it’s not easy to travel with I know I got three boys, however, perhaps this might make it easier for you at least. Crying on a flight is completely fine in my book it’s how babies communicate and unblock their ears there is nothing you can do. You could try giving them a bottle, breastfeeding, a dummy or older kids a gummy bear too chew but if these don’t work and they start crying, let them go.  If someone scowls or asks you to keep your child quiet ask the cabin crew to deal with them. However squealing you know that high pitched squeal kids make when having fun? It is not on for no reason other than to say hello once. Squealing in a confined space is not cute to anyone but a besotted parent but to cover my bases squealing is also a sign of distress use your parental common sense. Allowing your child to hit the back a seat the entire flight is not nice it’s the equivalent to are we there yet. With all that said kids are kids don’t stress it. Do your best to entertain them but 90% of your fellow travellers have been in your position. The other 10% will perhaps be one day.
6. If you see a family, couple, friends separated offer your seat to them after takeoff so they can seat together. The seat angle will take care of you next flight.
7. Use your manners with those around you. You don’t have to talk to anyone, but a simple hello is appreciated especially since you’re strapped in so close together, you could be on the set of 50 shades of Grey. Also being a regular flyer or member of a ‘lounge’ doesn’t make you better than anybody we all end up at the same destination in the end regardless some just faster than others.
8. Watch your alcohol intake prior to the flight and on it. The idea you get drunk due to altitude is fallacy if anything it comes down to water intake and dehydration so watch your intake of alcohol and sedatives simple. Nothing more unattractive than a drunk. Nothing more unattractive to your employer than you slurring their name into the dirt while the cabin crew scrawl down your name, your seat and the name of your company embroidered on your shirt. Watch your language it doesn’t make you funny or engaging it makes you look like a drunken arse and one day possibly an unemployed one.
9. Watch your hands and personal space with the cabin crew or fellow passenger be it male or female. There is no further explanation needed but consider this would you drink that much or behave that way if your wife, husband, children or employer were present. Respect the loved ones picking you up at the gate.
10. Consider the sound of your headphones and electronic devices. Just because Sponge Bob is your cuppa tea doesn’t mean it’s anyone else’s.
11. Turn your electronic devices off when asked, along with putting your tray table away, window and seat up. Don’t be the arse trying to squeeze a few extra minutes out of it.
12. Thank your cabin crew on leaving and pilot if they present themselves. They got you from A to B in a metal tube that weighs several tonnes without nose diving into anything .Which given the whole physics concept is amazing still to me.
13. Stand at least a metre away from the baggage carousel. Standing on it shin to shin blocks the view of those also trying to locate their luggage also. It doesn’t get to you any faster. Travelling is one of those things where everything is dependent on someone else so relax and make it enjoyable for all of us.

xxDeb