The biggest struggle I have as a mother? Its not the fact its been ten years since I had a shower uninterrupted, its not the fact that I still wake at least twice a night to mum I need to go to the toilet, its not the fact I will joyfully buy my boys a new pair of shoes but will wait until Big W has discounted their flats to the $10 aisle because I can’t reason with myself anything else. It’s not the fact I cook to fuel not for pleasure and its not the fact that my teaching of how to pee into a hole the size a football seems is unachievable it’s none of these things.
What it is spending that quality one on one time with my boys. Each day I manage short quality time but the longers stuff the longer time I struggle with.
Each day I manage what I consider a short amount of quality time just before bed its an ingrained part of bedtime and even on holidays it’s part of our day without fail. We call it lying. We lie together and talk of their day, what was their favourite part and what was their worst. They talk we listen. There are other times we get one on one cooking dinner and certain chores, watching a movie, playing lego, drawing and occasionally we manage doing an activity they like but that uninterrupted time without their siblings is hard to achieve.
So these past months husband and I started something and teachers plug your ears or divert your eyes because I don’t have the luxury of support to do this outside school hours. Once a month we pull the boys from school two hours early and take them to a cafe or alike and hang out. Today we pulled B2 from school early and learnt things that ten minutes couldn’t give us. I should mention we don’t always pull from school because we do stuff in between equally important like draw, build lego and cook together but ‘dates’ just take it to whole new level but of if I could do it outside school hours I would but suffice to say I can’t.
When the school office girls ask why is he leaving school I tell them it’s family time and that’s just as important as learning Algeraba {which I never used in my entire life just saying}. In fact research conducted by at Pennsylvania State University studied two hundred families across the US as well as various European cities and towns found it to turn the idea of bratty and broody tween and teenagers on its head.
The study found that kids who spend more one on one time with their families, experience fewer delinquent behaviours and less likelihood of giving in to peer pressure. The study says that the feeling of self-worth that is experienced by kids whose fathers spend one-on-one time with them may be due to the fact that their fathers go beyond social expectations to devote undivided attention to them. It also says that time with dad often involves “joking, teasing, and other playful interactions,” that does not occur with mum. Greater “peer-like interaction” with children, is “crucial for youth social development”. Another study found that children who spend more one-on-one time with their mothers had lower levels of depression – something that was not correlated with extra time with fathers. Another study completed in March of 2015 by the University of Toronto also found that its quality over quantity especially for 3-11 years but as they move into adolescence its even more so giving those working mums and dads worried about not having enough time something to ease the guilt with.
So its with that knowledge I am more than happy to do what is required to get a little one on one.
How do you manage one on one time?
How do you hang out?
xx Deb
