How are you since Ian died I asked? I said it slowly because I never know how to ask questions like that.
Its lonely she said, but one foot in front of the other she said pulling at the top of her cardigan.
Our conversation then came to that awkward pause for a moment when she came in with the ice breaker I get so often.
Husband away she said taking off her bowls hat.
Yeah, I said quickly he will be back next week I said smiling at her.
How long she said started to say but I interrupted a terribly bad habit of mine when I know it’s the same question over.
Same as usual I replied four weeks at work four weeks at home.
I must say that is a good roster she said.
Yes, I said we like it.
I was waiting for her grandson to give me some information on the owners of our house and she was just here to see him. Our meetings were always like this on the verandah and brief.
She started as we both continued to wait Ian used to do droving up at the Cape and be gone for months never heard a word from him from the moment he left till when he came stumbling home. I looked at her waiting for the onslaught of back in my day. Instead, she said he always went to the pub before coming home answering the querying look on my face.
I smiled looking at the sunbleached floor boards of the verandah we were standing on. I never knew Ian we shared a the mutual affection of her grandson and I barely knew her but I had always enjoyed the brief conversations we had.
Well, she said it was tough but then she said I would much rather have it then than now. My head jerked up to look at her 83-year-old face.
Raising kids back then it was easier. I know lots of women and men say in my day it was tough when our husbands went away, and it was and I was one that use to say that she said but you know back in my day we had the support from our families and friends .
Now she said looking around her for a place to sit who do you have? No one. I mean my daughter lives but half an hour from her grandkids and where is she today? Goodness knows, and she has no plans to hang around and help out with these beautiful boys she said pointing at them inside sitting glued to the television to show me them. No, she wants to travel across to WA next month for two years they will be all grown up in that time.
Well, I said that’s kind of her right to do that I said not knowing what to do with this conversation. She has earnt the right to do that working so hard and all.
Yes she has she said. What she hasn’t the right to do is criticise my great grandson and his daughter because I helped her raise those children she said pointing to her chest trying to get her point across. Me, my husband and my family she said.
It’s what we did back in the day all of us we helped each other out, and it didn’t need to be family sometimes it was Vera up the road helping us. We all looked out for each other, now it’s different. Then if the husband went away be it war or work my dad stepped in or my uncle my mother looked after my children when I came down with flu and helped me when I had complications with George. Now she said conducting her finger in the air families they are different. Not resigning from telling me more she went on with now kids have to move to where the money is, and their support- gone but even if they don’t move there is no support. Their parents are these nomads seeing the world. I know it the thing to do but what about your kids? You don’t raise them and just push them out the door so you can go sit on cable beach with a bunch of strangers.
No you don’t she uttered again getting passionately angry and if you do want to sit on cable beach then don’t say back in my day kids were this and that and I would have done this and this because back in your day you had the support and care of those around you to get through the baby and teenage years.
I shifted uneasily on my feet I guess your right I said but I guess times changes I said.
She sensed my uncomfortableness and touched my elbow and said you do a mighty fine job for someone who is bringing up her kids without the support my daughter had and the support I had.
Thank you is all I could muster because if we are all being a little bit truthful as hard as it was back then families are a little bit different now.
{Image with thanks to here and content original by Debbie}
