You don’t say your proud of us anymore mum.
It came from out of the blue whilst we were driving into town. Past the high school on our way to gymnastics.
I tried to turn to him to explain instead I adjusted the rear vision mirror.
It was B3. It’s always B3. If I’m fucking up he will tell me. He always says what he means he was never on the end of my crazy those five short years ago. He is more forthcoming than his brothers either that or he is a screw the consequence type of boy lets get this stuff sorted. I hope it’s the latter because the idea my boys are scared of me in the wrong way eats me daily but we are getting off course here.
I am so proud of you bubba you know that. All the time. I said talking to the mirror but looking at him. I was wondering if I should pull over because this was a conversation that deemed that but didn’t because then we would be late and in that moment being late was stupidly more important.
But you never say it anymore he replied taking his thumb out of his mouth momentarily.
Well bubba if I say it to often it will lose its meaning. It gets taken for granted and it’s just another word I said. Ugh. Stupid again. I said it because in that moment I was stumbling because I couldn’t remember the last time I had said I’m proud of you or good job. Or you make me happy. I don’t actually remember saying anything nice of late because well I was busy. I was too busy to notice really what I was saying. I was just trying to keep everyone happy. Everyone. I didn’t stop from the moment I got up at 430am till I went to bed at 9pm because I was just trying to keep everyone happy.
Yet I have always made an effort to make encouraging remarks to my boys not matter the place time or situation. Always. Encouraging remarks I think make them feel assured safe and confident. I work on the idea of catch them when they are being good its worked a treat for me so far. So this was kind of whaaaaaat are you saying moment, followed by a ah ha that maybe life was perhaps to busy.
I looked at his brother in the passenger seat next to me. He just looked at me smiling with his eyes. He with his talking eyes. I was going to ask him instead he said I love you mum. He always says I love you mum. All the time. Running across the road to school, in an ad break, when I take them to movies, gymnastics or the pool and it never gets old no matter how many times he says it and it’s not something I take for granted I just don’t.
So good things. They. Never. Get. Old.
xx Deb
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