a fifo wife {fifo life: real life fifo: good relationships dont have room for excuses}

FIFO ruined our marriage she said. It turned us into brother and sister. We are just another FIFO statistic she said.

I sat on the other end of the phone listening to her.

What was your roster again I asked?

Week on off she said.

That’s a pretty awesome roster I said.

Yeah but we just get into routine and he is home.

Right I said.

Yeah I don’t know what we are going to do she finished with.

There was a silence on the phone I didn’t know what else to say because I didn’t know if it was my place after all she was calling to tell me her dog had eaten one of my chickens not get my advice on her marriage.

Yeah I said I don’t know that I would like a one and one but that’s me I said I like the  four and four it works for us.

No way could I do four she said my marriage would have ended long before now.

She said it without realising her mind was made up.

Why I said.

It would ruin us completely. It’s too hard to be a couple she finished with.

I sat on the end of the phone trying not to get all antsy because blaming your partners work as a cause for relationship failure for me is a cop-out. I have been there done that. You know I said finally plucking up the courage FIFO isn’t the cause of any marriage breaking up it might exacerbate the situation, make it easier for you not to talk to make excuses but ultimately it’s not working on your relationship be it with your partner or of your children it’s not FIFO’s fault it’s you not being able to open your mouth that’s the problem. FIFO or not that can happen and I added dentists actually have a higher divorce rate than FIFO couples. I wanted to add that FIFO whilst has been hard has made my marriage what it is which without wanting to rub her nose in it is freaking awesome . FIFO has made my family what it is. Has shown me, my husband and my family what it is important but I stopped short of saying more.

She silent sat on the end of the phone I figured regretting that she had even given a courtesy call about the chicken.

So what would you do? she asked me.

Start again I said if thats what you want. Start investing in my husband. Its not his job to do it all like it not yours to do it all. You have to every single day. Good relationships all relationships don’t just happen they take work. When you make a new friend you invest time in them what is the difference with a marriage just because you have fallen in love had the wedding the honeymoon does not mean you are set for life. The size of your dress and wedding guest list does not dictate the success of your marriage I said. All relationships take effort and time and it doesn’t have to be a lot of time but time and quality time. Relationships are soooo much work I emphasised and sometimes its fun other times its hard you just have to want it bad enough and..

And she cut me off you wonder if it’s worth it because the non FIFO people you hang out with seem to be so much happier…

Really I asked?

Yeah it’s all so easy for them.

Right I said so you think that everything for them is easy. They don’t need to talk to each other about anything you think because their partner works at ‘home’ that everything works out?

Yeah kinda..is how she replied.

Our conversation ended and moved back to the chicken and me saying its fine because sometimes there are people who need an excuse of why things didn’t work out rather than the reality that they didn’t want to work it out. Relationships and good ones don’t have room for excuses it’s really as simple as that.

Big Love

Deb

{image with thanks to here}