I threw myself against the wall this morning slid down it and sat on the floor of my boy’s room and sobbed and I mean sobbed. My husband and I had a very short phone call this morning because sometimes there is nothing to say between morning and night. He said I love you and hung up- that was literally it. Literally. No argument however in my tired state of mind {and I know I am always saying I’m tired but I am} because of course I am back to an insomniac state with thanks to my three cherubs not including the sleep debt of last week I have hit what I can only call delirium. You know that state ? It’s when you get confused like your drunk so that look from the woman across the road means she hates you, your husband and you only speaking for a few minutes means he is angry at you. So verging on delirium I took that short phone call the only way a tired almost to the end of her tether wife could.
I took it as I had done something wrong and not being able to call the ship back; the beauty of an offshore wife I managed to make the next four hours hell for myself in fact I was already planning what I was going to take in the divorce. Now I don’t know if it’s getting older taking on a new out look or what but I did something I don’t normally do I called the office.
Sucking up the ugly cry so as to disguise the imagined panic, imagined argument and impending divorce I said Can you get him to give me a call. It’s not urgent I said I just need to talk to him is all. She dragged out the ooookkkkkay like she didn’t believe me and sent off an email to the captain which I hope said something like this: can you please have fifo husband call home when he has time rather than what I am thinking it said..Please have FIFO husband call his wife because that woman is loosing her crap faster than a rabbit having kittens. This is URGENT.
I never call the office in fact I have five times in fourteen years but this morning I went Fuck it I can’t do this to myself by the time he comes home he will be divorcing me and have a new girlfriend.
And then he called and well everything became all okay again.
So this is for the blokes five tips a little gift from me to you..
1. When she tells you why she is crying do not say are you kidding me? And don’t ask how long she has been crying for. That will result in more hysterical crying because we can lose our crap over not being able to open the Vegemite jar.Be open minded and answer with a hmmmm okay five hours is a long time baby. Don’t say darl or dear its condescending and we will cry some more.
2. Listen and say ah huh at the right sobbing intervals. It comes with the some practise but like a mother knowing the difference between a baby’s hungry crying and hurt cry you will learn the difference and fast. But listen it’s important.
3. When she says are you laughing at me because you have heard the reason why she is in hysterics. . Answer no Common sense and your manhood when you get home prevails.
4. Ask her is she is okay more than a dozen times. It seems excessive but we take it as you care. Ask if you need to come home but more than likely we just want to sob in a non judgemental ear and the answer will be no.
5. Tell her that you love her that without doing her part of this bargain none of this can happen. It makes us stronger some how instantly.
And I know its only five tips but don’t hang up the phone until she is ready and your sure that she is okay. Your boss will understand especially if she has only called five times in fourteen years. Make sure that she just needed that cry to hear the voice of someone who loves her unconditionally, of someone who knows how strong she is and so to be bawling like a neurotic fool she has hit rock bottom but will be okay.
Dont hang up unless you can be sure she is fine and if you don’t think she is have someone sent around to ‘drop’ in on her that knows her as well as you do. I can not stress that enough. If your gut says don’t hang up don’t have a work mate call while your on the phone to her to her mother, her best friend, your neighbour any body that can get to her. Until you can make sure that she is okay that some is with her because if we are not okay and we do need someone and I have been there once before we will love you more for recognising it in us knowing, caring and loving us well. In fact you will become our hero’s for ever after.
Sending flowers are optional but that would make it tip seven when it was only meant to be five.
xxDeb
