When I made the realisation that I would rather be alone in a new city than spend time with her I pondered how I would make the great transition. How could I end our friendship without causing friction, unneeded chaos and her thinking I was better than her?
Because the truth was none of that was required and nor did I think I was better than her. I am not better than anyone; she was a good person just not for me. Lot’s of people are like that. They are good people you just aren’t the right fit. You don’t bring out the best in each other which is totally okay we are not all meant to be friends. Then sometimes it’s because they are venomous life suckers. You know the ones the ones who don’t lift you higher and all that Oprah stuff. Instead, you come away from them feeling flat, confused, hurt, worried manipulated and deflated and it’s these people you need to rid yourself of.
Now the most adult thing would be to talk to them, have a heart to heart tell them what the problem allows it to be fixed but sometimes let’s be honest there is no point. Your differences to great or your argument to large the toxic spill to large. Sometimes talking will not help because you can not argue with some people they will drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience.
Truth be told I have been broken up with many times and it’s made me who I am but until this time I was never the breaker and it’s not easy nor is it fun and it should be done with surety and caution. So here is a how to on breaking up with those who don’t bring out the best in you (or them) because the reality is you should only ever surround yourself with people that lift you higher and there is no harm in that.
- Always be polite. Always use your manners and never ever be rude. Don’t avoid them in social situations. If you move in the same circle of friends or family pool always be polite, approach them like you would anyone, they are human after all. Take the high road the view is ultimately better.
- Here is the tricky part distance yourself. You are the judge on this but ultimately the aim is to reduce your level of interaction to how much you can cope with. A complete freeze out of them is awkward and not something I highly recommend unless of course you’re moving interstate or they have been declared by the world health authority as extremely toxic, then a freeze out is the only way to keep the poison at bay. So reduce the phone calls, reduce the visiting of them or stop the visit’s unless it’s required however always accept their calls and visits but keep them brief as brief as you can; especially for the toxic type, it takes less rebuilding time for yourself esteem. Distancing sometimes takes weeks other times it takes months or years it depends on how self-absorbed they are. Patience and your better nature is your friend.
- When you do find yourself in their company limit the talk about yourself however generally people likes this don’t usually want to know about you anyway.
- Don’t commit yourself to any invitation learn to say no, can I check with hubby or let me see my diary. Although never be rude always respond to an invite with a valid excuse not attend or to leave early.
- Never burn your bridges and never speak ill of them. You should never speak ill of anyone anyway karma and all that but you never ever know when you will need a lift in the middle of the night because your car and mobile battery is flat and their number is the only one you can remember out of your favourites list after you have walked to the last remaining pay phone in Australia in the middle of the night.
Best of luck
Deb
