He is missing my sons 4th birthday she said to me. I looked at her okay I said. It was out of the blue and unexpected. Yes John wont be here for his birthday. Okay I said not really sure what else I should say. So we are going to have a pirate themed party next week would B3 like to come?
He would love to I said just pop the invite into his pocket at school I said. I always like an invite I’m kind of formal that way. That and I need the directions and the time written down. It makes life easier for me self-indulgent I know.
Has John got a new job I asked her because I didn’t recall him ever working away before. No he has gone to visit his mother. Oh I said kind of shocked. When will he be home then I asked trying to be nosey without seeming so. In a fortnight she replied.
And so I wondered without asking why they couldn’t wait to have the birthday party when dad came home from visiting his mother it was but another week? But I already knew the answer because I get it a lot when people ask if the husband will be home for the boys birthday’s. None-FIFO folk often can’t imagine shifting, bringing forward or delaying the day or celebration. They can’t think outside the square outside by what has been dictated by tradition or the norm yet if FIFO teaches you anything it’s that this is our life we can make it Christmas in July or Easter in June if we want the same goes for birthdays and every other celebration. If you don’t then FIFO, defence, trucking what ever path your currently on is not for you or it will be twice as hard to deal with I can’t put it any other way.
And so I asked the boys this morning has daddy ever missed your birthday? Unanimously they answered No. No with a puzzled look when the truth is both husband and I missed B2’s birthday this year but we didn’t. B2’s birthday falls on the 11th however he was at Nana’s so naturally his birthday happened when he was home with us together as a family on the 15th. He knew it I knew his brothers knew and dad knew it and everyone was happy because nothing is without us all together was a family.
We have instilled in our boys that no celebration is really a celebration without dad and so his birthday despite being the 11th was when ever we could be together and celebrate it. Its happened a lot over the years birthdays, Christmases and Easters they never fall when tradition or the Calender dictates and if I’m honest when it happens much like our delayed christmas I like it that way.
For birthday’s however the actual birthday is when my husband and I reminisce a lot. We keep that day as our own the day our live’s changed for the better {or worse depending on how much sleep has passed through my lids} We are selfish that way. I am not sad if we are not together and it would seem neither are my children. We wish them happy birthday we speak about the day of their birth what was happening what was on the news how they were laboured but there is no cake no presents exchanged because that can’t be done without dad; it simply can not. Then the day dad arrives home from work its on..birthday cake, presents and favorite dinners. The birthday boy dictates the day because as their birthday that is there right and so we and they do wait for dad as he does for us because nothing it without dad.
x Deb
{image with thanks to here}
