You got to start taking your own advice Deb and ask for help when you need it. Isnt that what you say? I could hear him but I changed the subject because I was embarrassed I was even here at this point – again. A bout of exhaustion my second in five years is where we were at. Turns out my tantrum the other day (which may or may not have last a week) was so out of character my family freaked out and well here we me watching my dad fuss in the kitchen I am embarrassed needlessly to say as I write this.
Embarrassed that they were worried about me. Embarrassed that my neighbours who are my family who call on me when they need help are confused because I wont do the same to them. Embarrassed that my boys told their teachers that mummy was crying in the kitchen. Embarrassed because it’s so simple and avoidable.
Can you help me? Give me a hand? Can you come around and help me? Such simple words and who would have thought it would cause so much trouble being able to say. Its not like they spanish. ‘Why cant I ask for help’ I said to mum ‘I don’t know because your like me I suppose’ ‘Great is what I thought with that answer. Fricking great. All is lost.
Asking for help isn’t just asking for help for me. It’s like placing a red lighted arrow above me with the words failure irresponsible and look at me accompanying it. What will people think of me. Will see me for what I am a possible phony? Who can’t do her ‘lifestyle’ the one she and her husband chose? Asking for help bring’s on the same feeling that public speaking does I want to vomit all over my shoes, I break into a sweat (literally) and my audience be it just one person either in person or on the phone becomes all hazy like as I battle to stay conscious rather than faint creating even more drama over a few simple words.
Trouble is (like many of you) I am fiercely independent and so asking for help makes me feel all of those things and I will go to extraordinary lengths to avoid asking for help. I will bury my head in the sand, will convince myself I just got to hang out one more day, or if I just get my schedule right . Because it’s always because my schedule isn’t right bugger the fact there is one of me..three boys, four dogs, one cat, to many chickens, three sport activities, several investments to run, a shop to boost into action before my husband reclaims his shed, the regular house to run, the garden, the nagging tenant who is missing one TV channel, the cat being sick, the chickens have gone awol, the dog with his cancer, numerous other non spiecfic dramas and to add to it off I have seen the sun since March.
So not only was I lacking in vitamin D, sleep, I haven’t had time to get my eyebrows shaped it was no wonder the world ended in a tantrum and my father flew in over night to hold my hand, cry and sideward glance at me like I’m some poor fragile thing not really sure what to do but fill me with green stuff that tastes looks and smells like the bottom of a swamp. That will fix you up he says.
So in order to avoid this whole akward scenario again including having to drink that bottom of the swamp mix here is what I have concluded but know anyway. No one can do everything on their own god we can’t even make babies on our own so whats the big deal with asking for help. Its not admitting defeat or being seen as inadequate. Its none of the crazy quirky stuff going on in side of this plan jane head of mine but this is where that crazy stops.
Because this is the other thing..I want to be successful at this gig called life just life nothing else..just life I really do. I want my boys really to see me as a superstar. I want my husband to see me as a superstar. I dont want my mum or dad racing down to hold my hand every time I fall into an exhausted mess. I’m 37 years old I need to work this crap out. I need to understand seriously that asking for help is not a sign of failure, it’s not being irresponsible it’s not passing off my responsibilities or taking a free ride its none of that. Its called getting ahead. Its called being smart it’s called delegating and outsourcing. After all Jolie can’t have a superstar life with the help of nannies, Will I am said he wouldn’t be where he is without good people helping him. My husband wouldn’t be where he is without me (I’m taking that and running with it as far as I can) My friend Carol couldn’t run her store without her mother, daycare and an incredible support teams help. My friend Lucy says she couldnt have her four kids without the help of her mother, Jasmine cant do it with out the help of a cleaner and Melissa she cant do it without scaraficing her marriage some how. Women that have it all cant and I dont mean in terms of work, career, success I mean balance, sense of self, sanity and being able wear lipstick they can’t do it all alone they have others helping like an entourage whether it be friends, family or outsourced help. Asking and accepting help (oh thats a whole other thing) that is the only way anyone can get this crap done with suffering some sort of ‘episode’ or something being ‘lost’ like your kids childhood or being able to shower.
So whats the difference with me? Apart from the fact its me? Nothing?
So this month when ever my husband goes back to work and lets hope christ its soon I am like a Miley Cyrus promising to wear under garments Im going to do my damnest to do it Im going to ask for help when I need it…yes I am..or at least when all else fails and I’m teetering on the verge of the ugly cry in my kitchen because no body including my sons teacher needs to know about that.
xx Deb
