We were driving home from basketball last Tuesday it had been a tough day for husband and I as it had been rooster culling day. I had the migraine from hell and husband was getting back into work mode so we were driving in silence staring at the road ahead.
Then out of the blue he said it. From the quiet of the back seat came ‘The Chinese are trying to squash into Australia’. Husband and I both got whip-lash trying to turn to face him although with husband driving that was hard instead husband just looked at me with the same shock I had.
What I said to him. The tone in my voice probably indicated to him that what he had said I didn’t like and he naturally went silent.
He didn’t repeat it.
So instead I said where did you hear that baby? Trying to lower my voice and sound calm wanting to know its source. Not wanting to make a big deal but the damage was done.
I just thought of it he said. He didn’t just think of it these were not his words, nor was it ours. The words they sounded nasty and we have never ever imparted our migration views on our children what we have imparted was that no race, no culture no person despite their wealth sexuality or creed is better or less than us.
We have however done our best to protect our children from such ideas that someone is better than another. We watch who they interact with when we can but with school that is something out of our control and they must reach their own conclusions at some point. So we are trying to build their confiedence, to have high self esteem, empathy and recognise bad behaviour. We are trying our best to teach that bad behaviour whether theirs or someone else’s has a consequence and we are doing our best most importantly to know their own mind have their own opinions so when confronted with such ideas and actions they can have the confidence to voice their opinions above their peers.
So knowing he wasn’t going to tell me its source I tried to open a conversation because I figured it was a question rather than a statement. So I said what do you think of the chinese I said. He shrugged I don’t know. He wasn’t understanding what I was getting at or if he did he was playing coy on purpose becuase I had blown it with my What?. He continued to play coy. Baby I said saying that the Chinese are trying to squish into Australia that’s a big statement and I don’t think you know what you are talking about because that’s a really big thing to say and until you understand what you just said. Saying things like that can make you look silly and perhaps not very nice and that’s not the boy I know.
He looked at me. You are such a clever boy who makes such good choices and he does make such good choices so I went on now if you said that to George (a Chinese Australian boy we met during our stay at the hotel this Summer) what do you think he would say. Do you think he would like what you just said? I think he would be a bit sad by those words you just said and would you want that knowing that he is your friend?
He shook his head looking at me but not, not really understanding but I continued anyway.
I appreciate you said that you just thought of it yourself but I don’t really believe you because those don’t really sound like the words you would use. Mummy and daddy have taught you different and you know different but I understand that one of your friends may have said this and that’s fine baby but unless this is your idea that you have reached on your own by your own experience and working it out yourself you perhaps need to really consider what you’re saying because even though you don’t know it what you said is not very nice.
Yeah he said wanting to end the conversation.
I turned around in my seat wondering if I had done it right. I knew I hadn’t perhaps handled it well initially but hoped I had redeemed myself at some point. I want him to have opinions but of his own but made by his own conclusion but I also want them to be the right ones what ever that might be.
How have you handled influences from the outside?
xx
Deb
[contact-form][contact-field label=’Name’ type=’name’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Email’ type=’email’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Website’ type=’url’/][contact-field label=’Would love to know what you think..’ type=’textarea’ required=’1’/][/contact-form]
{image source with thanks}
