I haven’t always been such an optimistic person when it comes to change. I have always however been a control freak about things which is why I don’t react well to change. In fact nine years ago it seemed door after door kept closed on us and it felt like no matter what we did those a big heavy double set door would slam us right in the smacker and let’s be honest it’s not hard to take that personally when it seems to be happening over and over again.
Naturally when things didn’t go to plan I would freak out, take it personally that the universe hated me and I would retreat and I may or may not have sulked about it like a two year old. I didn’t cope with change very well. At. All. But life has taught me many things 1. nothing lasts forever and 2. doors close and windows will metophorically slam shut and will do forever after but perhaps in my old age I have learnt to handle it better because its how the world works and you can’t take that stuff personally.
Now a door (by door I mean opportunity, way of life and dream) will shut along with every available window all awhile my unprepared fingers are still on the sill but its okay because as a control freak I understand I am in control of what I can be and I am embracing what I can’t.
So from one control freak to another here are my top five tips in handling change when every door, window has shut and the only thing possibly left is the man hole…
1. Accept it and be okay with how you feel about it. Be okay with the fact it hasn’t gone to plan or you doing something you don’t want to its okay to be angry, disappointed and sad. Just let it be. Nothing last forever, nothing. Give yourself time to grieve but not for too long. It’s not healthy for anyone and how you feel it’s a choice and the longer you are angry, sad or unhappy the longer it will take for another door to open and move on.
2. Learn from what has happened embrace the knowledge from it. Every thing has something in it you must have learnt something from it. This is the sunshine and moon beam part but I learn something from everything that has ever happened. Otherwise it has no purpose and it’s a waste and nothing not even time should be wasted and if you learn nothing often I find that it feels like a waste and thats when the hurt starts.
3. Caught your fingers in the door jam and you are hurt. Tired. Lost? Don’t know where to turn? Step back and gather the love. Surround yourself with those that love you to help you find the new door to literally open. Consider their input, their advice and life experience. My dearest friend Ruth has always has my back when I’m feeling like a door is about to slam shut I run to her. She always had such good no nonsense advice. I run to my mum and dad because they love me as I am and I run to my husband and children because he always has my back no matter how wrong or right I am. They rebuild me and set me up for new way to see the world.
4. Embrace the change. See that closed door the unwanted change as a challenge as something to beat, a maze to find your way out of. It’s how I make it through change that I am not really happy about. Sometimes that’s the month when husband is at work. I make it a challenge to myself to get through despite the crap hanging at my head and feet. My husband left for his first offshore job four days after my first baby was born…it was survive or thrive. It was a challenge set to me.
5. So it didn’t go to plan but what’s the alternative? Find it. It’s another way to embracing the change and being in control. Wanted to be a teacher but don’t have the money or time for university consider being a day care mum or kindy teacher. It might not be what you want directly but still you are involved in your passion to some degree and to some degree you are changing your passions history and making your it your own.
We know we can’t control life but we can control how we react to everything life throws at us positive and negative. Everything becomes an opportunity and to grow and all that jazz. Do not let outside circumstances get the best of you! Control what you can. Embrace what you can’t. Make a plan and go for it. Consuming a block of Cadbury is optional in all of that.
xx Deb
