My kids have grown up with FIFO life. Daddy going to work for four weeks at a time is normal for them. Its also normal for them to have daddy home for four weeks at a time and they often ask why other daddy’s are not attending swimming lessons or not at the school carnivals. They understand why we work this way however that is not to say that they don’t miss him. They do at some point usually on week three start to miss him and in saying that its really verbal it is to this point never behavioural which if it was its time to give this FIFO gig away but when the misses set on week three we start the count down and that is a welcome distraction for everyone.
Currently husband has been gone just two days and already B2 is saying he misses Daddy and whilst I think he does I also think its way of saying I’m thinking of daddy and I love him because when I say would you like daddy to work like other dad’s and come home he will ask the same thing: will daddy play with us as much? When I say no probably not but he will indeed play with you as much as he can his answer is always the same no thanks; I just miss him is all. B2 is the one who misses daddy the most. He is daddy’s right hand man..always..B2 is most like me so husband jokes its only natural given how much I love him..perhaps he has a point.
Along with the kids having the odd bout of missing him so do I. I would worry if I did not however when I do its fleeting. I don’t spend hours,days weeping or mopping around the house for him. I never allow it go on for to long especially on long days. Its not helpful for me, husband or more importantly the kids. The kids ask often if I miss daddy and I always say of course but daddy is at work not on a holiday juant somewhere and we have a job to do to.
Yet on the swings that are long. Where we have had sickness, Murphy’s Law or just a rough month I try to create welcome distractions. Not massive events but little changes to the daily routine every now and then. Usually they are picnics out at the dam, lake or having breakfast and dinners at the boys favourite park. When the kids were all at home most days we picnicked outside under our favourite grapefruit tree and ate at the dam every Tuesday it was part of the routine but now with school and homework I do it when I can. I have a picnic kit always ready to go and it never takes much to throw some sausages and bread in the basket. Its usually impromptu and a little exciting for the boys. Its also an escape out of the house. Which is vital for escaping a case of the ‘misses’
I also take the opportunity when their is ‘seasonal holidays’ like St Patrick’s, Halloween, Easter, valentines etc to have a little party. I appreciate that they are often American holidays and until had children I didn’t celebrate them but again it provides a welcome distraction for them and some planning for me that’s a little different to the normal. For these ‘parties’ we have our normal dinner but I decorate the kitchen a little and bake some appropriately themed cup cakes or biscuits. We don’t have dessert often so having cake after dinner is an event in its self.
Something else I have found helpful is to have a calender in the boys room that they can do a count down on and work out for themselves how many sleeps are left. We have the calender where its a month to a page and the dates are big enough to write something in. The boys will often assign themselves a job each day to prepare for daddy coming home or they use it organise their own outing with daddy such as fishing and getting everything they need ready for that. Its something they can plan and think about; creating another welcome distraction and something to look forward to.
So today after a rather revolting start to the swing we are starting it again with a welcome distraction by having sausages and bread for dinner at our local park.
What do you do as distractions when the ‘misses’ set in..
xx Deb
