a fifo wife {fifo life: relationships: life is not a Hollywood romance}

I had a friend recently break off a relationship with the most beautiful man. They had only been dating a few weeks when they broke up because he in her words he was too nice and she wanted that electric spark she had heard about.

She wanted when she met ‘the one’ to feel like she had been hit by a bolt of lightening. She wanted flowers, dinners, romance, sweet words; she wanted that every day or week at least she wanted his complete and utter attention. She wanted to know he was smitten with her.

We were in the backyard when she was reiterating their break up story.

What I said on hearing her repeat it back to me. Slightly annoyed given that I had introduced them, and I now felt responsible for his now crushed pulsating heart.

I want that she said rather coolly. So coolly that she had broken my dearest friends heart I wanted to slap her.

I want to be swept off my feet and why should I settle?

Yes, I agree no one should settle. But you like this man I said to her.

You told me that you liked him a lot, and you have only been dating a few weeks, intense but a few. You haven’t even slept together because he was such a gentleman.

He was devastated when she told him. He couldn’t understand. He couldn’t get what he had done wrong because all she said to him was he was too nice.

And in reality he had done all the sweeping off his feet he could think of and manage. He is FIFO and at 35 with no luggage to speak of with the exception of a few eyebrow-raising activities of his youth he is terrified that his time is running out.

He doesn’t want to be a bachelor all his life, so he was careful. He was respectful and yes he is and was nice. Any women that get this man will be lucky and I don’t believe in luck, so that’s lucky.

I want what you have she said to me.

Ah, what? I said

I want that thing you have with your husband she said chasing something in the air with her finger.

For starters, I said to her hands on my hips. There was no bolt of lightening for us. I didn’t adore him straight away. I liked him. Then loved him. Now I can’t get enough him. That’s taken thirteen years.

But he swept you off your feet she said to me he continues to sweep you off your feet.

I couldn’t grasp this being swept off her feet business.

Surely in my thirteen years of being out of the dating loop surely not to much has changed?  Sure she was six years younger not a remarkable age difference. Then suddenly it dawned on me because it was the only realistic thing I could think of because what she was talking about only happened in fairytale’s rarely real life.

She wanted was what she saw on the TV and in the movies all that perfect tear jerking happy ending romance. And knowing she had only had two relationships in her entire 29-year-old life it had to be that. And also knowing she was an ultimate Twilight fan the revelation hit me like a ‘bolt of lightening’.

I tried to approach it delicately, trying my best to not to hit her with the hose I was holding in my hand.

Life isn’t like that I said to her. Its impossible I said. Sure in the beginning it’s nice but to have that but every day it’s impossible and it would get old I said.

I continued trying to make her 29-year-old self-understand, And that feeling of being hit by a bolt of lightening rarely happens. And if it does it doesn’t last because well even that chemistry has to be maintained, and that takes work, and well often it’s not all romance.

But your husband buys you flowers and chocolates and writes you notes she said trying to fathom what I was saying.

Yes, he does but it’s months between those. It’s unrealistic to expect them every day or even every week. It just is. And it works both ways I said.

She reeled at me what like I had shoved my babies bottom in her face and told her to change it.

Oh, come on I said why should he do all the sweeping? It takes effort I said to her. Why should it be all one sided?

Because the I’m the girl it’s his job she said to me and I’m old fashioned she finished off.

Not that old fashioned that her skirts could be mistaken for napkins and most weekends I had seen him carrying her home because she has obliterated herself with Johnny. Where was the old fashioned then?

For goodness, sake is not what I said but well it was at this point. At this point, I was pleased they had broken up that she had broken his heart because she was too far gone. Hollywood and all its fairytale romance had taken her to far. She couldn’t see for the fiction of Hollywood that romance was a two-way street, and occasionally the bloke wants a little sweeping; it’s what makes it fun. It’s what builds the romance, the trust, the chemistry and the love.

She also couldn’t see that being swept off your feet every day of the week was just not possible. Where would work, exercise, eating breathing, and human ablutions fit in?

I then breathed a sigh of relief because I then realised that most likely she would also want what Hollywood deemed happy families. And if it went any further she would want the big wedding, the big car, the big house, the big family, the big holidays, and all that sweeping too while she just sat.

My dearest friend would be a wreck.

We agreed to disagree. She doesn’t understand, and I don’t care. Life and relationships don’t work that way if it did Hollywood, and all its romantic movies wouldn’t be as successful as they are, its just that simple.

xx Deb