a fifo wife {kids: the new type of bully}

My B1 I think gets a little picked on at school. And until last Thursday I have never seen it. I don’t think he knows whats happening and given that he struggles with making friends he just puts up with it like its a normal part of the day but perhaps that’s a good thing? As a parent I have been so confused about what to do. Sometimes I think he brings it on himself..can one say that? I don’t know. I only say that because often the kids will include him, run up to him as he walks into school and he wont want to join in. He wont say hello. He ignores them. I never know what he is thinking he struggles with communicating so I don’t know really whats going on. Truth is he has always been picked on and what I have found is the parents don’t seem to care. Dont care that there child is hurting someone else. B1 has suffered bullying since play group he has had trouble with his speech because of his delayed hearing. His first instance of bullying came at play group. Play group; when another boy pushed him over and threw sand in his face, the mother didn’t care. I then changed play groups where another little boy kicked him in the face as he climbed the stairs to the slide. The mother sat watched and did nothing. Ironically that little boy is now in his grade still the little delight he was back then.

So I have never known what to do given the lack of response from parents. Am I over reacting? I don’t know when to intervene when he tells me that his supposed best friend doesn’t want to be his friend anymore. Or the boys pushed him over into the garden bed and told him to go away at lunch. When does it stop just being child’s play and start being bullying? How long do you wait and see how it handles it? When do you step in? When? At what age do you tell him to fight back? But then is fighting, physically fighting what you really want him to do? Not my first answer but when is ignoring saying no enough. And thats sending the wrong message in the end it will be him in the wrong. It always works this way. He is six and in the first grade should I really be having to think about this?

So Thursday I went to B1’s reading group. A parent attends takes five kids listens to them read, checks off their books and sends them on their way. I took my B1’s group. Its a mixed group of reading levels RR20-RR10 my B1 sits at RR10. Its the lowest in the group but not in the class. We have had struggles this year despite our thriving start to the year but I am so proud of my B1 for having got where he is today. So my B1 left me his book box and headed off to a speech therapy lesson whilst the rest of the group sat with me. I messed around a little nervous (kids make me nervous..I know crazy right) and whilst I was messing around this tall lanky kid who we will call Bill started reading and sorting through my B1’s books. He grabbed out of my B1’s book box a book it was a RR10 Bill sits at RR22. He is in grade one and reading mini encyclopedia’s. He is naturally gifted and well his parents should be proud of that. So he grabbed a book out my B1’s box and commenced reading it. Clearly this book was below him by a long shot.

Whilst I was messing about a little green nosed freckly boy sat down. We shall call him ‘Rocco’ and asked ‘Bill’ what are you reading? Its one of B1’s book’s he answered. My baby brother read this one last night Bill said laughing. Rocco laughed. Now Rocco is a RR12 so not much better than my B1 but still he laughed at the fun being made of my B1. Rocco said it louder and repeated it ‘your baby brother read that book and its the same as B1’s? Yes said Bill looking straight at me. My four year old baby brother can read B1’s books. They both knew what they were doing. Trying to humiliate my baby and in front of me. They were going through my B1’s books laughing and giggle while the green snot ran out of Rocco’s nose. They continued laughing at my B1 feeding off each other. It was sneaky it was hurtful it was cunning and my B1 wasn’t even there to defend himself, not that he would. I doubt he would’ve even known what was going on.

My hand has never been so itchy. Never in my life have I wanted to reach across the table and throttle someone else child. Instead I gathered up B1’s books that they had scattered up all over the table. Come on Bill I said lets get done so you can go. I was doing my best to be the adult. He read to me like he had been reading inside the womb. He finished up and I took on ‘Rocco’ all the while staring at him wishing I could just wipe his nose and smack his backside; horrible but true. So I listened as he read he didn’t even read well I might add and on the last page there was truck with tigers in it.

Have you seen a real tiger I asked No he said. Really? Not even at the zoo I asked? No he replied. Well I said. B1 has seen a tiger and a lion. Has he been to the circus? Rocco asked No I said he saw them at the zoo and then he saw them at Dream World. Has he been to Dream World? asked Rocco? Yes I said. Have you been to Dream World Rocco? No I haven’t and this is where I faltered I become the parent who wanted to retaliate the only legal way I knew how. Well I said B1 has been to Movie World, Dream World, Sea World and Wet and Wild. He has been to New Zealand and Sydney and I’m guessing you haven’t been there either? No he said oh well I said perhaps you will go sometime. Yeah he said then he turned and said to Bill. Hey Bill B1 has been to Dream World. Cool huh? Dreamworld. Bill looked at me. Yes I said have you?

He never answered me and I don’t care. My behaviour was that day perhaps on par with them. I don’t care. I have approached his teacher who says she hasn’t seen anything or heard anything but perhaps this style of bullying is different to what teachers are looking out for. Perhaps its not considered bullying perhaps Im over reacting. Perhaps its nothing just kids being kids after all its not physical. After all I copped abit at school and I turned out okay. Kids are different now though. Perhaps though this is the new type of bullying. Its the bullying that can be said in your ear when the teachers back is turned. Its the bullying that can be said in a group out loud, be heard and laughed at and repeated a thousand times over and all the teacher can say is be quite. The effect of that is long lasting.

What I do know is my presence at that school, in that class will be like I have part shares in it. Like I own it. I’m not going to make a scene. I’m just going to be there as much as I legally can. Its as the saying goes keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Its the best I can do for now.

So tell me friends..when do you intervene and what do you do?

xx Deb