a fifo wife {fifo life: real life: peoples judgement}

So over the weekend I got a lovely email from Renee asking if I get people judging us on the fact that husband works away and having a young family. So to that answer it would be a straight out yes. Sigh.

As a single gal without family it was okay but as soon as we had a family people become so intent on giving their opinion. Sometimes it was so hurtful it brought me to tears and it made me question our decisions for our family. We are assumed to be greedy, money hungry people when the reality of that is just not true. Our lives are beyond simple. Money or to have more of it is just not our aim in life. We do this job because of the lifestyle. Plain and simple.

Before I use to ignore them those people who like to judge and make comment behind your back. Some would be brave and approach me and tell me…bless them..but the criticism became so much and so often that I couldn’t keep quite any longer. I’m not sure why people feel the need to give their opinion or advice when its not asked for. It would be different if I was asking, seeking it. I know some are trying to be helpful but many I think are well jealous and want to create ‘fuss’. People don’t seem to appreciate that their words there negativity and there constant questioning can affect someone in such a negative way. It can make a bad day worse. It can make you truly question the decisions you have made for your family. Now I have set reply and its almost as rehearsed as the public disclosure that Suncorp recites to you when ever your taking out there useless insurance. Apparently its the best way to deal with unwanted judgement apart from being staunch and happy with your decision its having an answer to those that insist on sharing the judgment joy.

Now; Im older and wiser I can no longer stay quiet or ignore them especially to those who give me the poor you routine in a condescending manner or my favourite I could never do that to my husband he would just miss so much time with the kids. And whilst Im never rude because there is no excuse for rudeness I always ask them politely about their husbands where he works and his hours. The response is that he works as a mechanic, teacher, electrician, builder oh he loves it they say and he comes home every night. I  follow that up with a I see. At this point I remain quiet they think thet are on a winning point and they usually follow up my I see with ‘yes yes now what about first steps and first words you can never get those back’ and I will usually respond with the truth yes that’s true my husband missed my last babies first crawl and he may have missed the second babies first words and its this point I become rather blunt  and to the point in the nicest possible way. Yes you are right but I missed my first babies first steps because well I was in the toilet and my second baby I missed his first words because he spoke them at day care. That’s life.

Its at this point I will then hold their gaze and ask them about out their husbands job and hours again and the amount of time that he is legitimately home and spending with the kids. An hour before bed and 12 hours on a Sunday..hmmm that’s 18 hours a week times that by 52 also taking into account 4 weeks annual leave that’s 1200 hours in the year and even then is that quality time because he must be tired from doing all those hours at work. Yes he works hard they will proudly tell me and rightly so. They then typically ask how long FIFO husband is away for this time. I love how they always always put emphasise on the word THIS. So I say its the same as always and I will generally tell off handedly them that my husband works six months of the year (which equates to 2016 hours of quality time. QAULITY. TIME) for an outrageous salary and by work I mean work non of this standing around council crap and when was the last time their husband was able to attend swimming lessons, class reading, and wasn’t too tired to play in the trampoline. All awhile being able to afford to set his family up and consider retiring at 40 years old instead of 65 years old so he can be an even more involved father?

Sometimes they will shift on to me oh still that must be so hard for you like its all my husbands decision…um no. This was a joint decision. This is our life and I love it. LOVE. IT. I wouldn’t do this if it didn’t work for us. I’m not some oppressed wife who has no say in her marriage. Its like we are in a honeymoon every second month. If we are on a roll and their closed mind that perhaps the traditional way of life is not the only way I will always add that we don’t do this for the money despite what people think we do this for the lifestyle. We have the most fantastic life we dont fight and we are on holidays every second month. Its at this point they realise they need to stop and be quiet because there is no changing my mind. And that perhaps my way is the right way and its me who has the planted the seed of doubt.

It sometimes amazes me that I have gone from questioning my decision to almost being smug because the reality is if you can makes this lifestyle work for you (and it must be said this not for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that) and its life its all about how you tackle it you will end up with an amazingly close family and when it comes down to it who wouldn’t be jealous of that.

So my lovelies how do you cope with peoples judgement? Do you get it often?

xxDeb