Okay so I had an unexpected visitor drop by yesterday. No problem but the house was a mess. A mess. My house doesn’t take long to get messy nor does it take long to get clean but crap I just hadn’t got around to vacuuming the floors, putting the folded washing away and straightening up the lounge room.
This visitor was another mother. One that just seems to have her ‘crap’ together. She is an artist, well respected member of the community and an all round lovely women. She wondered through my home chasing after her son trying to get him to the car; all the time looking, well that’s what I thought. Everyone wants to look in my house. I know because they tell me and people take pictures of her in the winter monthswhen its tourist season. She, my home is old, original and she’s beautiful. So I know she was looking well in my head she was. I kept saying sorry about the mess…I just can’t seem….. I had a busy day. I was pathetic really.
That fleeting visit left me in such a bad mood for the rest of the day. I felt like my cover had been blown. Like I was fraudster exposed. That my dirty little secret that sometimes it takes me till 7pm at night (if at all) to get my crap together was blown. So here I am trying to reason with myself that imperfect is good. It’s what I prompt. A little mess is okay. Yet yesterday it felt like this untidiness because in the scheme of things that all it was but it was like being caught with my pants down. It was horrible.
So when I got up this morning the mess really wasn’t that bad and crap after all I say there is one of me and three of you boys, four of you dogs, one of you cat and four of you chickens (well actually they just take of themselves) and just cut myself some slack. But I just can’t seem to do it. I can’t because I have seen her house and my neighbours house and both their partners work away (albeit not a four week swing and their children are grown more and they don’t have a menagerie living under their roof but…) so why can’t I just get it together all the time and why can’t I stop comparing. Why can’t I? Their life is not my life.
Perhaps it’s because I spend too much time doing stuff for me and my kids? Because happy and noisy is better? Yes I know I should not have gone on my runner for that half an hour and vacuumed and tidied up instead but I needed that time on my precious noisy old runner with Emenimen pounding in my ears. I needed it more than I needed to vacuum. Just like taking my baby to another swim lesson was more important but there was the price to pay so to speak and I was caught out.
So there is my dirty little secret out to one more person in the world and soon the whole world will know that some days I can’t get my crap together no matter how organised I look or feel. No matter how well planned out the day. Today though is a different day. I have got my crap together. The floors are done, dishes put away, Christ even the chickens have been fed and it’s not even 10am.
I’m ready and waiting for you today…
Have a great day lovlies..
