So I tried my first act of kindness yesterday well it did not go plan at all in fact humiliating is the word I would use but on but now on reflection perhaps a little more determined to spread the love. Here’s how my search for the warm fuzzy feeling of kindness went.
I was in Woolworth’s at the checkout and Id had a little bit of a yuck morning and I noticed the young girl behind the checkout was looking like she was feeling the same way. After all standing on ones feet for hours on end, scanning endless amount of items, listening to the occasional jibber jabber of a customer is well in my books one of those jobs that’s up there with the stop go persons at a road works, you often wonder how they can do that for hours on end but its a job and it needs to be done. So I grab two chocolate bars instead of one; I pay put the first chocolate bar in my bag to savour for my morning tea and the I give her the second one.
This is for you too have for your morning tea I told her. She looked at me confused. Then I could see her thinking “what is going on..is this a set up..is it poisoned..is she hitting on me?’ That look of confused then started to look like terror. I could see her scanning me.. looking at me my ring finger (why do women do that) trying to place me did she know me and had forgotten me. She then gives it back and says to me I cant accept this. Needless to say I was little shocked. After all she was a grown women (well all of 23 I think) not a child I was trying to scoop in to the back of a van. Oh? I stammered I was looking at her as she grappled for an answer..we cant accept gifts from customers..I smiled I was embarrassed my first act of kindness and I was rejected. I ran out of the store humiliated I was rejected by a stranger doing a act of kindness. Something nice..this is not how it gets told on Oprah, I couldn’t freaking believe it.
So I got back to the car and I sat I had to think about what had just happened. I was on the verge of tears, I was humiliated. The warm fuzzy feeling of doing something nice for someone it hadn’t happened. I was so looking forward to that warm fuzzy feeling. I needed it. Sitting there humiliated, disappointed and feeling so foolish it dawned on me that perhaps kindness, looking out for our fellow person is now so foreign that to do such things is considered just plain “weird’ and well that made me sad but the more I thought about it the more determined that we should make more of an effort to be kind, be nice to one another. My sadness and disappoint has now turned to determination.
I tell my husband and in between the tears of laughter as he imagined the fear that this girl had of an older women hitting on her he tells me why don’t you just stick to giving away the fruit off our trees..
Well that’s simply not good enough however on the plus side of that little RAM disaster I had two chocolate bars that morning for morning tea..