‘Just jokes’ she said but it was too late the words had already come out of her mouth. My husband and I looked at each other unsure what to say how to respond to. I thought about the words she had said ‘you will be too busy counting your money and drinking red wine to come’ she was talking about a family function all the while I was looking at her in shock. I chose not to respond. I chose not to look any different like her words hadn’t stung me like a bee going up my nostril it was hard but I think I managed to pull off my indifference to it.
I wondered what I had said to her for her to say that. I in that spilt second tried to run through our entire history of what I had rubbed in her face for those words to have spilled out of her mouth. I couldn’t think of anything. Flaunting or rubbing it in has never been my style. Its rude for one and stuff or money doesn’t make you a person. I stayed quiet making the choice to pretend it hadn’t hurt or make me second guess our relationship. I did however make the choice; those words telling me everything about her and how she felt, made the choice never to tell her anything ‘good’ again as did my husband. Which is a pity because it changes everything; our relationship is different with her, with her husband yet this isn’t an isolated event. A slip of the tongue and nor is it a one off comment. There have been many and not just by her but by others some important people others not.
Initially when these comments started sliding into conversation I would be sad, confused then guilty. I felt guilty that I had these things. That I a good life, that we had a good life. My husband and I are thirty five years old. We have travelled overseas several times. We own several properties, have a little in shares, no money in the bank we are what you call asset rich which let me tell you is not always a good thing. So how she thought we would be sitting around drinking red wine and counting our money is beyond me especially since my husband doesn’t drink at all that should have told me she knew nothing of our story despite our relationship.
Each time this happened, a snide remark presenting its self I feel the need to explain. Like the time a former neighbour said to me why did you need to buy that house soon you will own the whole street. He had found out through the grapevine I assume because it hadn’t come from my mouth and before I knew it I was explaining to him it was for my parents. As an only child I want to be able to provide for them as they did me. I should have said it was none of his business but I felt guilty that I had the good fortune through hard work to have been able to buy it in the first place.
My husband and I we have worked hard and this is our reward. That is the only way this has happened. My husband has worked since he was 11 years old. When I met him he was in the armed services, then the mines then offshore. It took him two years of persistence to get offshore and he works hard for his employer. Their bottom line is what pays his wage and so he is a hard and dedicated worker. Going into offshore didn’t fall in his lap. It took many thousands of our own money for tickets, airfares and training. Me I started running my own cleaning business when I was 13 years old and held three jobs usually consecutively as well as going through to year 12 until I moved to the country when I was 23 years old and started the hour long commute to what was my dream career. Now I have a small online store, shop and I have my blog; which I must add I do for the love because there is no money. Then there is our family our beautiful family. The only thing in my life that is valuable the rest is just stuff.
We don’t believe in luck. I believe in hard work, karma and the law of positive attraction. I don’t ‘rub’ my money or lack of it in anyone’s face. All that we have could be gone tomorrow. Just like anyone. We have worked hard for where we are. We have gone without, made mistakes; big mistakes that almost cost us everything including our marriage and have learnt from them.
People however don’t see that nor do they want to know nor do they care.
I don’t know how to deal with it or them anymore so I dont. It will I don’t think ever go away but I get tired of justify ourselves and I do understand jealousy and I am assuming that is what it is. This continual need to knock someone because I have been there once before so I do understand it’s an emotion that will make life hard for you. Jealousy if that’s what it is will and can make you hateful. It changes things from your relationships with others to what your success will be in life. So true to form of jealousy changing things we keep our good news, our achievements to ourselves and our relationships are different. We continually watch what we say because often we can’t stop these people being in our lives and we don’t want to either. We love them they are our family and our friends.
But I don’t want to self depreciate myself or my husband anymore for what we have and where we are going. I’m more and more proud of where we are, where we have come from yet it feels like the only way we can be friends or have a relationship with these people is if we fall; if we become miserable and if we struggle. Why would you want that for another person?
I often wonder if that’s what they are waiting for. Is that what will make them happy for us?
Xx Deb
Hi Deb, great blog and one I can relate to and for those reasons I started to surround myself with other fellow FIFOers cause they got it, were just as goal driven (even if they are at different stages) and not once have I had a hint of jealousy from by FIFO Families buddies.
It’s amazing what happens when you surround yourself with other goal driven friends and no longer have to hold back exciting news or celebrations along the way and share the challenges without judgement. Good luck with the changes this year
Cynara, FIFO Families
Thanks for taking the time Cynara to comment..I have only recently found the joy of surrounding yourself with like minded people however they can be few and far between..lol..never mind..nothing in life is easy!..Thanks again Cynara its made my day to have you comment..Cheers Deb
People can be cruel Deb, yes hard work has served you well and people forget the sacrifices you make being a FIFO family, it is tough…. I don’t have small children ours are grown up and have moved away but life as a FIFO wife is tough and you do what you do to survive…Our FIFO existence is to get out of debt created by business ventures that went belly up and an over experienced Chef who no one wanted to employ therefore was out of work on this side of the country for months. It also took him a long time to even pick up a FIFO job. Flights from here to the west are costly and life is still hard. I work a 38hr week also and the time difference from East to West often means my eyes are hanging out of my head waiting to just chat to my man…Now his site is winding down and he has been asked to hang there to wind things up until the end of march so it will be 11 weeks before I see him again. Then its a waiting game to see if the company places him again in a similar position….I know when I tell people he is Working FIFO they see the $$$’s chinking away but we struggle to get out of debt…. Life is not easy but we are working hard to fill in the hole… at a cost!! Deb, you are a gem… keep up the good work, I love reading your bloggs… no one else understands like a FIFO wife
Thanks for taking the time to comment Karen its what keeps me going and it is funny how people assume FIFO is big dollars and it is but as I say the words wedding and FIFO attract the same reaction..lol..never mind; people also forget backgrounds and stories or the high rates of tax, cost to get there and we are currently in the same position Karen the contract is on its last days and so now we wait for a new vessel a new contract if there is one..Im sure your husband will have earnt his place in the industry and will be picked up quick smart..in the mean time I guess we get to enjoy them..xDeb
A very interesting post Debbie and its one that I can completely relate to. I’ve been brought up with the very strong message that it is crass to talk about money, particularly when things are going your way. My husband’s business success seems like a dirty secret at times.
Mrs Mumabulous! Thank you for taking the time lovely. Talking or rather bragging because their is a difference about money is crass but speaking of your success shouldn’t be. I feel disappointed that hard work and success is like you say a dirty little secret but why? Its not like we walked in on it your husband and yourself wouldn’t have done so either..it was crawling and then walking and yet when we get there to that place when we no longer have to crawl we cant even stand tall and walk proud..it has to be down with a slump..it at time sucks..XD
You don’t need to explain anything! It is obvious to everyone who reads this blog that you and your husband have worked extremely hard for what you have EARNT! and that you and your family deserve every little piece of happiness that comes your way! Jealousy is indeed a curse, unfortunately it affects us all at times but it still doesnt give somone the right to make remarks like that!
Chin up Deb You should be so proud of what you and Hubby have acheived so far in life and if you eventually get to live your dream of taking your boys around the world and living that experience with them then good on you, that is amazing, remember all the hard work you both put in and don’t let anybody’s petty opinion get you down!
Thanks Stephanie..have not heard from you in ages I hope you are well sweet..and thanks lovely..it can be so disappointing though it places such a unwanted divide but that’s okay perhaps one day they will understand. And your right this whole gig is for that around the world trip for my boys..in which I have started planning this year..imagine the fall out when that happens because it will eventually..hmmm..thanks so much Stephanie for taking the time to comment its what keeps me going and I love it and hearing from you has made my day..thank you. xxDeb
Gee, I love your work Debs. isn’t it sad how some people can’t be happy for others. xx
Thanks Miss Mez..it is isn’t it? Its something I will never understand all I want for my family and friends is upmost success and I will help them get their if they want me to but you know some will never understand you don’t just walk in on something it takes a little climbing to get their. Xd